Hi there ~

I used to identify as an heteromantic and heterosexual transguy, but now I'm lost about my feelings and don't know if I'm really capable of romantically loving someone.

Since my 17 yo, I've got 5 girlfriends and a lot of crush (I'm 27 now). But I was also depressed and got emotional dependance issues, so my relationship was deeply fusional, thus... toxic. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, so I've got attachment issues. At this time, I wasn't capable of remaining single for more than a month. Not having a girlfriend made me sick as fuck, but being in a couple too, because of the too deep connection with my partner. She were like a little nurse with me because I needed a lot of emotional support (I'm ashamed about this, sorry for her.. wasn't easy to bey girlfriend)

Now I've been taken antidepressants for a year and I have several psychiatrists, psychologue and hospital who help me to overcome my issues. Since then, I never fell in love like before. I didn't have the same sex drive as before neither. I used to have a really high libido (masturbate 1 to 4 times a day), and then I'm more in the average I think (1 - 2 times a month)

I had a crush on a non-binary person, but they were aro ace. I was sad but I didn't cry. I neither felt sick or depressed because of this reject, and it was so unexpected of me that I wondered if I was really in love with them. This person is currently my friend. I think they are beautiful, interesting, admirable, fun, full of imagination, have strong values and they impressed me a lot (like, I'm shy and afraid of not being liked by them). But I'm lost about my feelings for them and my capacity to really love anybody.

Maybe all of my previous romantic attraction was caused by depression and since I'm better...I'm finally aromantic ?

Or maybe the medication shut down my romantic attraction like it shut down sexual libido ?

How are you sure you're aromantic ?

Hey all!

I literally made an account here to just see if others may have insight on what I'm experiencing.

I've dated 4 or 5 people in the past which were all tumultuous situationships that ended pretty terribly. I experienced the usual feelings of infatuation but those feelings wouldn't come until after 2 to 3 months of dating. My friends all know that it's rare for me to really find someone that I actually like in a romantic sense.

I met an amazing woman in the new city I loved to and I feel strong sexual attraction to her, but I have yet to feel those 'romantic feelings' of infatuation and adoration. Maybe my view of connections is now different? We really get along well on a personal level and we recently had great sex.

I know I'm not demisexual or anything related to that label. I feel that my struggle lies within identifying what's happening in terms of romance. Is it maybe just too early to really assess my feelings? I don't know, I just feel confused about what's going on with me romantically because I'm no longer dating someone who makes me ride the emotional rollercoaster of pain lol.

I appreciate any and all thoughts and opinions on this matter! It would help me immensely to just find a sort of solace to put my mind at ease :)

I (32F) hate living alone. For the last 5 years I've lived with my best friend (34M). He's decided he developed romantic feelings for me (which I don't believe, but that's another story), and knowing I can't reciprocate them he asked me to move out. I'm devastated.

I signed a lease today with a lot of negative emotions. And family friends (47M & 45F) who I met up with told me that "you're not an adult if you have a roommate anyways." Which I called BS.

But that left me with a lot of feelings about how those of us who don't want a marriage or romantic relationship or QPR navigate living with others.

I've had 3 housemates leave me now because of their relationship, or my lack of wanting to be in one. Why does living with your best friend have to be so taboo I guess?

Sorry, I'm just over here thinking out loud.

I been having trouble with my romantic interests. I do crave having a partner but I hate most of the romantic gesture and I feel awkward in those situations. The idea of marriage ceremony and alactivities also makes me feel uncomfortable. But i can see my self being in long term relationship not in a lovely romantic comedy way but just sharing my life with some and hanging out with each other. I noticed that I always found stoic characters the most attattractive. I also like them in real life but I have not encountered them much in my life. Today I came to the realizations that it is because I don't have to force my emotions around them and I can just hang out with them based on who they are instead of adhering to the social construct of romance. I knew I was on the aromatic spectrum but this make me know what level of romance I am willing to have in my life.

i saw this viral post on twitter about a sex worker having sex with 100 men in 14 hours and my first thought was "damn, that must have felt like running a couple of marathons" but when i checked people responses, almost everyone was basically diagnosing her saying there's no way she's right in the head. but tbh i didn't think it was that crazy? like it wasn't bdsm or anything like that, just basic sex.

but this is how i've always thought of sex. i'm not saying it can't be intimate or have meaning, but it can also just be a pleasurable action and that's it? like eating cake, it can be meaningful if someone you love (platonically) makes it for you and you both eat it together, but i also don't mind eating from a random bakery with someone i just met if i feel like it. and while eating 100 different types of cake in one day is definitely extreme and i would need to have some sort of training and reason, i don't think it would damage me mentally?

So I was wondering, is this a me thing or is my aromanticism somehow related? maybe because i don't view it as something you should only do with someone you are romantically in love with?

I definately feel this way but I still want a wife and a family?

I have been in a relationship with an alloromantic girl for about a month and a half, and we are considering getting married/engaged around her bday (mid december) bc of several legal and social pros.

Seems rushed really, but I don't exactly meet social expectations bc, y'know, I'm aro.

My gf has been aware of me being aroallo since before she even crushed on me, so there's no issues with That, particularly, like I have been having with other relationships.

We have been living together for 3 weeks, also, and no serious issues have showed up.

Open to any clarifying questions!

It just kinda feels like a gut punch. I'm not sure how else to describe it, how do you deal with it when it makes you feel like crying?

I was looking into understanding the brain of a romantic vs that of a allosexual. I couldn't help but notice the sexual attraction pathway to be much more primal than the romantic attraction one, given it originates from our Amygdala. This also begs the question, were aroallos the default for early humans and romance was developed much later as societies and civilisations formed?

ok so maybe a dumb question but can I be non-partnering but still want a fwb type situation? like sex as a game night type thing I guess is a good description of what I mean

As the title says, I had the realization that I’m not fully happy with my non-aromantic partner anymore. I told her I was aro/demisexual a few months into the casual dating, even tho she is not, and I thought that I could make it work or that my feelings would change? But 2 years into this relationship I realized that I just can’t change the fundamental aspects of my are/ace-ness and that trying to force it will just make it work.

I deserve to not deny myself my needs and wants, I deserve to be with someone who is also aromantic and won’t guilt trip me for not making romantic efforts. For example, she would cry when I didn’t post her on my insta story on her birthday, despite me giving her gifts and quality time and love, and she knows that I literally don’t even use insta anymore because it stresses me out and I don’t even post on my own birthday. I just couldn’t understand why she didn’t understand that this is how I show my love? Through quality time, gifts, dinner plans and etc, that the idea of “showing someone off” on social media didn’t make sense to me because why would I rely on the attention of other people to validate my relationship?

Also I’m a 2nd grad student right now, and for my first year I basically lived at her apartment 95% of the time because I felt too lonely in my 1 bedroom apartment. While it was fun, I felt uncomfortable not having my own private space to stim and wind down in (I’m very Neurodivergent). But now, I live a graduate community apartment, basically a dorm but only for professional/graduate students. My social circle and support system increased greatly. When I met my partner, I was living at my parent’s house in the middle of nowhere with literally only 2 friends. I was desperate for more relationships of any kind.

Now that I’m more mature and surrounded by more likeminded people, I’ve realized that I’m actually ok with being single and don’t need to rely on 1 person for all my social/emotional support. I want to keep exploring my sexuality now that I’m in a healthy emotional state, and try meeting more aromantic people that feel how I feel.

I just feel fucking awful because I’ve indirectly caused her pain due to parts of myself that I can’t change. And this is her first serious and wlw relationship, and she tends to get emotional and has a hard time verbalizing her thoughts.

I hate causing her pain, but I can’t keep being with her if neither of us are getting our true wants and needs. She needs someone that can naturally shower her with romantic and sexual love, I need someone who’s aromantic and more casual when it comes to partnership (such as a QPR). The worst part is that this relationship was not toxic or abusive! We’ve just grown as different people and are no longer compatible.

I’ve talked to my close classmates about this and they agree and are giving me support. But Jesus Christ I’ve never been the person to initiate the breakup and it’s eating me up. But unfortunately I’ve been having these thoughts for months and kept brushing them off as intrusive thoughts, but now it’s time to listen to my gut. Sorry for any grammar mistakes, writing this in class after crying on my friends shoulder. Could use any support and stories if people wanna share <3 ty for reading

I always thought I was allosexual, but turns out I didn’t really know what sexual attraction was. So it turns out I’m actually a sex favorable aegrosexual, which is pretty close to allo so I see why I was confused.

This is not meant to invalidate you aroallos, I just wanted to pay my respects to this community, even though I’ve never posted here.

I wish you all luck, farewell.

She enjoys sex. Despite expression of romantic love from men, she explains that she does not feel that way- but still happily settles down with Max.

Maybe this is old news?

What are some pros of being aroallo for y'all?

Here's one of mine:

• Being able to give the best dating advice because I have an unbiased perspective. I ain't ever been in love but I can tell you that Becca, not once have I ever seen the two of you have a healthy conversation with each other. Try to work on that before you propose to him 🫠 /hypothetical

What does it mean? It’s clearly more then just queer friends cause apparently they smash. Shit makes my brain hurt dawg I need clarification I’m feining for it y’all please explain. Aaaaugh!!!

I feel this song really describes the aroallo experience- wanted to share.

Even before transitioning into a woman, I’ve never felt romantic feelings towards girls. Some girls were bugged that I just wanted to have sex with them to hide something. Fast forward today and I thought I was really a straight trans girl who loves men and wanted a boyfriend. I thought I had it figured out.

Nothing. Several dates and chats later, I realized I’m only sexually attracted to men, but have no romantic feelings for them whatsoever. Those feelings came back and I was afraid people would call me a slut for only wanting sex with men. In reality, I want a friend with benefits. Meanwhile, I felt a certain connection with a few girls that chatted with me on dating apps, but have no sexual attraction to them.

That’s when I heard of AroAllo and queerplatonic existing and it sounded a lot of what I went through in the past, as well as today. While I feel like the sexual attraction and platonic feelings have “changed”, my (lack of) romantic attraction remains the same. I still consider myself “straight”, but that meaning feels different now.

Anyways, I’m happy to be identifying as AroAllo and hope the community and awareness grows overtime.

Aromanticism still isn't that well known by most people, and when people do know about it they usually lump it in with asexuality.

I've been searching things like "I want to have sex but I have no desire for romance" and I found a lot of people feeling that way, asking if it was normal. A lot of responses they got were "You're normal, just different." Not one person in any of the threads/forums I've read ever brought up the possibility of aromanticism specifically. This comment was pretty interesting.

Romantic attraction is more abstract and harder to define than sexual attraction, and it can be difficult for a lot of people to realize that lack it. And I think people generally don't really want to admit, either to other people or themselves, that they only experience sexual attraction due to society's stigma on sex without romantic love. So they never go on that journey to researching the aromantic spectrum.

Basically I'm wondering if aromanticism had the same awareness that asexuality has, then we would see a lot more aromantic people out there. Personally I believe we'd still be in the minority, but there would be a lot more of us.

22yo female-attracted male here.

I guess on some level I have always known that I am aromantic. When asked questions like "Do you have a crush?" "Do you want to marry?" "Do you believe in love on first sight?" my answer was always no.

In the dating scene I feel like an alien. I've been on several dates but they didn't lead to anything. One of the women I've been on a date with, has at least been kind enough to tell me why it didn't work out for her. Apparently I didn't make her feel appreciated due to my lack of romantic gestures. Some shit like flowers. I don't see much sense in these mating rituals. I'd rather cut straight to the chase, maybe have some deep intellectual talk first to satisfy the sapiosexual in me.

Though for a long time I didn't realise being aromantic fully, because aromantic often gets thrown together with asexual and I could never relate to being asexual. I may not be in a relationship, but I am pretty horny, sometimes masturbating several times a day.

Anyways, I've hesitated to call myself aromantic and made some advanced mental gymnastics in place of this. Telling myself stuff like "I am just not very romantic" or "I just need to meet the one." Also I am liable to daydreaming and imagining a future with the attractiv looking cashier girl. One crucial difference is that I think of shared interests and of course sexy times, but always skipping over the romantic stuff. I thought for a long time that me dreaming up these relationships meant that I was romantic after all, but really I've been imagining friends with benefits all along.

That stuff I have been distracting myself with before coming to terms with aromanticism feels more like delusions. If you are cishet, but mainly interested in sex, you just get labeled a fuckboy and this isn't something I am comfortable with. But I am just tired. So tired.

So I joined this sub. Hope I'm in the right place here.

I have this colleague at work who I like, but it seems that she has gotten me confused with someone else she really likes. Today she asked me about my husband after 2 years and a half, just to be disappointed when I said I have never been married. 5 times she said she thought I was married. Instead of apologizing for making assumptions, she repeated herself 5 times. When I said, no, never, I am aro, she just asked me "Then who I was talking to?". Well, not me. I can assure you that. It is very annoying coming out all the time just to be reminded it is never going to stick.

I'm an aroallo (25M) who's been spending the last couple days with my new FWB (27F) who is also aroallo and holy fucking shit! This is the best thing ever! The sex is amazing! The casual nudity is phenomenal! And the no-holds-barred touching and fucking whenever we want is like a dream come true!

I already knew how great this was all going to be but the mutual sexual attraction with zero risk of romantic attraction makes it that much better!

I wish everyone on this sub could find a fellow aroallo for an fwb and I hope it's as awesome for them as it was for me. I'd also like to thank this sub for putting me in touch with them as without it, we never would've met.

Thank you so much and have a good day folks!