just as the title says, was doing completely fine, enjoying how much food i'm eating until...

"good job, i'm really liking the trend on the scale"

said by my lovely dietician. now, i feel absolutely terrified. i haven't been able to know my weight and i haven't really been thinking about it too much, until that. once i'm outside, i just know i'll be obsessed with the number on the scale and trying to maintain or lose weight again. i've been imagining continuing to eat the 3 meals and 3 snacks without them being "clean" hospital food and them being what my family usually makes and cooks, and im terrified that they'll make me eat so much unhealthy and oily foods in large portions too. they don't really understand the mental side to things, all they really want is to see the weight on the scale go up and my old self back—which is all great things, but the ana voice and mindset really doesn't want to see any of this. I hatee the idea of them putting 'extra' calories into my food. i hate hate hate it oh my gosh why is this so hard why can't i just see this as a positive i feel like a pig.

Obviously everyone’s experience is different and healing isn’t always linear but wondering how long people have been “in recovery” for and if there was moments or a certain moment of I’m recovered and what determined that for you?

I’ve personally been in recovery since February and I feel like I have came such a long way but I know I still have some work to do. I still have some disordered habits that I tend to lean on for control and comfort but I have felt such a big mental shift, no longer FREEZING, my face has more life to it, brain fog has gone down. I no longer scare my loved ones either which was a huge motivator for me to recover.

I still struggle with days of extreme hunger, gas like crazy and bloating. Night sweats always. Sundays are always a weird day since it’s my only day off.

Please feel free to share any of your stories, I love to read and learn from other experiences and this community has helped me on my journey so so much.

I don’t fucking understand anymore. I’ve eaten 4 meals and 9 snacks today and I’m still thinking about food. I don’t even feel hungry but the thoughts just won’t stop. I’ve gained a very good amount of weight since starting recovery last month, though I’m still underweight but not as dangerously underweight as before. I have no issues with the weight gain, I’m glad for it. But I’m eating so much, why do I still want more? I make sure to never skip my minimum three meals and three snacks and include at least three major food groups, always. But I still keep thinking about it. Why can’t food just be food to me? Something I only think about when I’m hungry. Why do the thoughts have to assault me all day everyday? Does it ever fucking stop? I’m so tired of this shit. I want to think about other things like my hobbies and my loved ones, not food.

I literally just don’t get it. Do I need to be eating more than I already am? I’m so frustrated with this

I’ve been dealing with this practically our whole relationship, I have some friends who have helped me because they’ve also dealt with eating disorders. But I feel like it’s not enough, she’s on EDTWT and even though I’ve made her give me the account and deactivate it she still goes on it, she also has made Pinterest boards of ED stuff which whenever I get her phone I delete everything ED related I can find, I’ve personally never struggled with an ED so I don’t exactly know what to do. Just really scared of doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing and hurting her. I love her just the way she is and I wish she would snap out of this. She hates her stomach and thighs the most but lowk I like those on a girl in a non freaky way. I just want her to be okay I don’t know what to do please help she means the world to me

I had my first screening today by a professional and I’m so nervous. This might be triggering so please only read on if you feel you are comfortable. I separated it into a vent-ish portion and an advice portion if you’re unsure.

Vent:

(22f) I’ve been on my own recovery journey for years, thinking that this was something I could deal by myself in private. However, in the past year I have experienced so much emotional, physical and financial trauma, that in the middle of a breakdown I applied for an assessment. I actually went through with it and the assessor wants me to go get vitals done and then she will talk to my therapist and psychiatrist, both of whom I’ve seen for years.

I’m a college student and I’ve had to drop out/retake classes several times due to my mental health. My only family is my mom who is currently in breast cancer treatment. I’ve had mental health issues for a decade, and physical health issues develop in the last 4 years. I already have like 4 therapy (physical and mental) appointments a week at this point in my life.

I’m so scared about everyone’s reaction to me seeking treatment and the fact that I’ve hid it from them for all this time. I feel like I’ve betrayed my psychiatrist and therapist. I don’t want to add onto any more of my mom’s stress. I don’t want to have /one more thing/ wrong with me. I can’t miss anymore school.

Just the advice:

For those who have asked a professional for help, did you feel terrified? How did you overcome it? How did you break the news to your family, friends, or other doctors? Please describe your experience if you’re comfortable, I feel so isolated. Otherwise general encouraging words are appreciated.

Thank you for reading.

I was told today that I should eat openly food so I can gain weight, but then I asked the question that when I gain weight I’m gonna have to be very mindful and manage my food again…

So what’s the point

I’ve noticed new stretch marks underneath my armpit and they’re itchy as hell!! Anyone else had this?

So I'm on my first full day of recovery and I just ate breakfast an hour ago and I was really full and now I'm hungry again. I don't think it's extreme hunger since I haven't even been eating more for a full day. Is this normal and should I eat more to feel less hungry?

I am at such a low weight and I want to gain weight because I hate how skeletal I look, no clothing fits me and I look like a little boy. Yet i am my own enemy and can’t eat. When I do eat, I’m not even proud I just feel guilty and my mind goes nuts - so I just rather not eat than have to deal with the anxiety of afterwards. Anyone else relate or have advice ?

hi there i was wondering if anyone else had "silly" reasons for recovering? i mean, the most obvious and strongest reasons are probably things like having a healthy body and mind, a good relationship with your loved ones, etc. but other than those, i sometimes find my unconventional reasons even more motivating somehow haha. for example, one of mine is how much i HATE my sunken in cheeks. i want my baby face back! do you guys have anything similar? or perhaps even sillier? :D

It's really hard to get better cause dysphoria is giving me bad insecurities and ed are getting worse if I get more masc but being fem makes me feel terrible but I am getting better and have a lot of support around me so I guess it's fine

For the past 4 years I've been struggling with restriction, I hope this isn't bad to say but it wasn't on a major level. In the past 6 months or so I've gotten way better at not counting calories and eating intuitively, but I have a weird thing with my heart when I lay down. It's like it's palpitating or squeezing, and when I stand up I feel like i need to pass out, but I never do. I've been having panic attacks unlike I've ever had where I feel like I'm going to die. I went to the ER and they basically told me I was fine, got all kinds of heart tests done and they said I was fine. Does anyone else experience this? I feel incredibly uncomfortable telling my doctor about restriction. And I feel like restriction might not even by why it's happening.

That's it. That's the post.

Hi everyone. I am a 21 year old female looking for a recovery buddy. I’m hoping to connect (online) with someone who is around the same age 20-23 and committed to recovery so that we can encourage each other to beat this sickness when it gets hard. I’ve also been pretty lonely in general because a lot of people don’t care to understand eating disorders. Message me if you are interested!

rant??

hi! throwaway account, might be posting quite a bit.

i've recently been put inpatient (3 meals, 3 snacks, ngtube, bedrest) and it all feels.. so easy? like everything in my head just switches off, i even kind of enjoy the process of eating. but it's like i failed almost, as if i never had months of restriction and enjoyed not eating. honestly i don't know if it's okay to feel like this, i've been diagnosed with something that people struggle with more but haven't been diagnosed with y'know?

i still have the automatic calorie-counting in my head, but even when i guesstimate high daily totals, i'm not that scared? i have a feeling it might be due to it being 'clean hospital food' and it being 'good for me', but i feel once i'm outpatient, continuing to eat so much might freak me out and i'll find ways to go back to my pre-admission self.

i decided a couple days ago that i would follow the meal plan completely and commit to it. however, today i’ve had a really bad body image day and i’ve pushed myself to follow the plan but now i feel so incredibly guilty and disgusting, i don’t know how to deal with it and i know if i listen to it i will relapse. any advice is really appreciated and i really need to hear it right now

Idek what to say, I want to recover so badly deep down I want it more than anything. I want food freedom. But I just CANNOT stick to it. Idk why I’ve gone back to restricting?? I’ve never lasted more than 3 days in proper recovery in sick of this cycle but why can I not get out of it. It’s too scary and I’m so scared. But it’s also pathetic I’m SOO mentally hungry right now all I want to eat is a HUGEEE bowl of frosted flakes but I can’t even let myself, because I know I won’t want to stop. Idk how to justify my hunger if I don’t feel it physically. I’ve been looking at supermarket apps, browsing through all the foods, watching wieads, hoping to find permission to eat but my Ana brain tells me I’m not actually hungry because I don’t feel it physically and I’ve eaten. It’s so miserable but I’m so scared of gaing weight. I’m also waiting for treatment but there’s a LONNNNG wait and it’s like I can’t gain weight in the mean time because if I do I would reach a healthy weight and I would be discharged bc it’s the shitty NHS system and ifykyk :( ugh god i just dk what to do anymore i want to eat so badly but i would feel awful after and it would spiral me more pls help :(

I'm about three weeks into all-in recovery (of course, with some slip-ups here and there, but that's to be expected) and decided, hey, why not try on my Levi's? Basically, these jeans fit me PERFECTLY three weeks ago beginning recovery. Thus, when I tried them on again, they were a little bit tighter, but still fit me... it made me kind of happy.

But then I took them off. I looked at them closely, and looked at the size... wtf. Isn't that, like, the same waist size some ten year olds wear? And, my fellow fellows, that's when I realised it. The truth that was - oh my fucking god. I'm a nineteen year old woman. I should, uh, DEFINITELY NOT fit into the same trousers a ten year old could wear.

Mind slightly blown, might I say!

I’m rly lacking control today so ofc my ana showed up again, it’s probably temporary but I need reassurance anyways. god i feel so bad

Hi, to be honest I don't know if this is the right sub reddit for this question but I thought I'd try anyways.

So last year in August I lost my period after losing a lot of weight in a short time and undereating as I had Anorexia. I started getting better by gaining weight in February and by April I had my period back but it was only pretty light. In May and June I had some still light but slightly heavier ones but in july/August they stopped again.

For context, I'm now a completely normal weight, and definitely don't undereat. I stopped gaining drastic amounts of weight around May as I was no longer eating with a meal plan but have steadily gained some weight slowly over a few months after due to vacations and stuff like that. So I have essential gone back to the way i used to eat before losing weigh. So I really don't know what would be the cause. I also dont have any other symptoms.

I went to the doctor and they just said to give it more time, but I didn't get any blood tests done or anything and the appointment was about 5 minutes. To be honest I'm just worried about all this as I want a kid in the future and I'm concerned about my fertility and just wondering if any of this may be a underlying cause.

Again really don't know if this is the right place to ask this, but if you know anything about this or have experienced something similar I would appreciate the help.

Since starting recovery I’ve been extremely hungry a lot of the time and I’ve been trying to honor it but I’m slightly confused. If I get to a point where I feel really full but I’m still thinking about food, do I keep eating? Last night after eating a lot at thanksgiving dinner I slammed an entire pizza and my stomach kind of hurt but I still wanted more food. I did eat more and I don’t feel guilty about it. My concern is doing recovery correctly because I want to get back to normal as soon as possible and put this all behind me because I hate what anorexia did to me. I eat minimum 3 meals and 3 snacks and have no problem with eating more but I worry that eating past fullness will mess up my hunger cues even more. Am I doing the right thing?

I am eating more and trying to push through but the gastritis and bloating is sooooo painful… does it ever go away?

How do I stop factoring in every single movement

For instance, the days I move in the house versus the days I don’t move in the house

The days I go to the gym vs I don’t go

Do my walk outside vs I don’t

Like if I’m doing chores in the house, I have it in the back of my head that I’m doing something if I’m just sitting in the house I have it in the back of my head that I am not doing anything and I need to move

Or if I’m moving in the house, I feel like I should have my phone in my hand so I can track my steps

I don’t want to track my steps in the house, but then I feel like I still have pressure to go get my stepson, which shouldn’t even be a thing but I can’t stop 😭

Three meals, three snacks, three bowls of cornflakes, an entire can of rice pudding, and a bagel... man. Recovery is so fucking tough mentally. Esp when you absolutely loath yourself

I know recovery is different for everyone, because our bodies are different, but I was wondering if recovery "side effects"(cant find a better term, im sorry) are different if the period that you were underweight is shorter Like weight redistribution, hair falling, period, hormones etc Does the body need less time to get back to where it was before or the time period is just irrelevant? Thank you♡

bit of backstory, i’m 21 years old and have been struggling since about 9 years old with my eating, never had any help or anything and my family don’t really care, they even make jokes about how long i went without eating as a child. every time i dive into recovery i feel like a bad person and i have no idea why, i feel like i’m meaner to people and have a very short temper, i also have more anxiety problems. then when i relapse i notice that i’m kinder to people, have more patience and just generally feel better. i have no idea why and i feel like it’s stunting my progress a lot, just wanted to know if anyone had any idea why i feel this way or if anyone else feels or has felt the same.

Three years ago I was hospitalized after a few months of severe restriction and extreme weight loss. They made me gain some weight eating a "normal" amount. After I was discharged, I only gained to BMI >!15!< which I'm maintaining to this day. Quasi recovery sucks just as much as full on restriction to me, so I had multiple attempts to get out of it. The problem is, I'm not hungry, and eating over maintenance makes me feel physically sick (even when increasing slowly). I've never experienced extreme hunger, I don't think I've had more than >!2000!< calories a day in the last four years.

Is there still a chance it'll kick in, or is it too late? Will I have to force myself to eat for weeks/months in order to get better? I'd love to hear about your experiences if you went through extreme hunger later than normal

My friends are ALWAYS talking about how little they are eating. It’s made me relapse multiple times. I literally cannot remember the last time I went an entire day at school without hearing someone say something stupid. How do I ignore it? And this is EVERY SINGLE GIRL in my class, so I can’t really get away from it. I hate girls sometimes

literally that’s it. i feel ashamed and annoyed at myself for how hungry i feel, even after eating. also why do i feel hungrier once i’ve actually ate something?