im scared, this is my second time and id be lying if I said I wasn’t shitting my pants. but im hopeful that this time it’ll work and I’ll be able to break my habits of obsessive calorie and step counting and that I can start 2025 off on the right foot. wish me luck!!

TLDR: are cognitive problems normal while underweight? if so, how long will it take for the problem to go back to normal after gaining weight?

hi so I've been suffering from anorexia for around a year and a half now and I've been in recovery for most of it, but have been failing miserably. I was in intensive-care for a few months but I was an outpatient so I was allowed to go home everyday. I did end up gaining some weight but ended up losing some of it after I left. this is mainly due to my gastro-intestinal illness caused by (u guessed it) being underweight. I have been underweight for longer than I've had anorexia (since I was around 10 I think?) so yknow my body hasn't been doing too good these past couple years

my cognitive-function seems so strange all the time like I can't really form proper sentences sometimes? or I stutter. this really worries me as I'm doing lots of revision for my exams but I'm REALLY worried I'm just going to forget everything because of how under-nourished I am. this is really stressing me out as these exams dictate basically my career and what university I can apply to

I am really trying to get up to a healthy weight but the fact that I haven't been in that range for years scares me. its weird because I know my stomach problems will get better if I eat but its so fucking hard. luckily though, I am seeing a medical dietitian after seeing tons of ED specialist dieticians to finally help with my inability to feel hungry and struggle with eating food so hopefully that goes well. maybe centring weight gain less around my ED will help more? not sure till I see her ig

This happened a couple months ago just before I went into hospital so I’m ok now just scared about it happening again

It was around 5am and I woke up in so much pain my heart was throbbing and it hurt when I tried breathing. I just sort of flopped out of bed and started throwing up. So much throbbing and through my half awake mind I realise throw up = drink water. So I picked up my water bottle and drank but it just made the pain so much worse, it was nauseating and unbearable. My breathing was not normal whatsoever because of how much it was hurting.

I tried to shout for my mum but couldn’t so I somehow just crawled up into bed and went to sleep because I just wanted the pain and nausea to stop. At this point I was just really lightheaded and wanted nothing but to sleep.

I woke up (thankfully ok) and took paracetamol and told my mum what happened and she was really scared but I never actually found out what it was.

Just a vent and a search to see if anyone has had the same thing happen

Stay safe :(

this is gonna sound kind of silly but i know its a question people are afraid to ask. im so afraid of gaining, but i miss the old me, before this disorder. what is the one thing that put u into recovery, and for good?

If you've lost hair, how much? How did it fall out? This is a random question but I'm just worried cuz mine seems to be falling out. I have pretty thick hair but I've noticed it's a lot thinner now. I used to only shed a few hairs a day, or a tiny bit when brushing my hair, which was normal. But now if I brush my hair, SOOOO much comes out. If I hold my hair like I'm gonna put it in a pony tail and gently pull on it, big clumps of strands come out. Showering is a nightmare now. My bathroom floor is covered in hair, I'm so tired of cleaning up hair.

Any tips on how I can reduce this? I'm broke so I can't afford any fancy hair care products...

I understand this is a serious illness but holy crap some ed havers are just cruel - I don't understand how anyone who struggles with body image can be so vicious about other people's bodies, knowing the inpact their words can have.

How can you be so viciously fatphobic you post other people's photos and shame them, and publicly announce how looking like them is your worst fear. How can you spend so much time ripping apart someone elses appearance.

I seriously despise how arrogant some people with eds can be, how blind they are. I know I am sick but I'm not a monster. I don't glorify my illness, I don't think I'm better than anyone else. If anything I feel the opposite. I'm angry at myself for falling victim to society and the patriarchy and hating myself so feverishly I can't even eat properly anymore. I would give anything to be fat and confident and happy and thriving, I don't want this life. I think everyone is so so beautiful and unique and deserving and have so much compassion and love inside me all I want to do is protect and uplift others.

I don't understand how anyone with this disorder could feel otherwise, knowing how terrible this illnesses. How could you ever stoop so low as to shame others so callously. Where is your humanity. It makes me mad, it makes me want to cry. No one deserves to hate their body and feel ashamed of their existence or be treated like anything less than worthy and inherently beautiful.

I just. I really really hate people :( How can others casually be so mean and heartless I don't understand.

As of now I bring her snacks with blocked out calories and I always tell her her body is beautiful and just affection when eating but I was wondering if anyone could suggest me some things that can help!

Am I the only one who is flat out OBSESSED with watching shows like Supersized vs super skinny, mukbangs, home made junk food recipes, 600 pound life? Like I don't know but I'll spend hours watching these

When I got home my family sat me down at the table and shoved pizza in my face, and watched me while I cried my eyes out and attempted to eat.

I've never heard anyone talk about this so l wanted to come on here and ask if anyone else does this. It's a behavior I'm really ashamed of because I know that it's super wasteful and there are people who would be grateful for the food but I sometimes throw a shit ton of food away. It's either because I lie to my dad and tell him I ate it (for example I throw a piece of lasagna away so he sees that a piece is missing and thinks I ate it) or it happens when I'm by myself, eating and the thoughts become really loud and I rush to the kitchen and pour water over my food and throw it away. I'm currently on a meal plan to gain weight and i shouldn't be doing shit like this but I can't control myself when I feel the urge to get rid of food. Sometimes I bring a banana when I go out as my afternoon snack and I suddenly feel overwhelmed and throw it away. I don't want to ask how to stop because it's simple: just don't throw food away anymore. But it's not as simple

i’m trying to lock in and get my life together, eating more gaining weight yada yada BUT even though i’ve been eating double my maintenance i have lost weight?? im wondering if anyone else has experienced this while recovering? i’ve spoken to non eded people out of concern but they’ve not experienced this and have chalked it down to being more active - but i am eating double while taking into account how much i walk at work and this hasn’t been an issue for most of the time i’ve worked there. i know im not in a deficit so im just confused. im not engaging in any behaviors and have actually been very sedentary and eating normal foods. i hope someone can provide some insight to this !!

does anyone have any tips on what helps with muscle spasms/cramps? i have them almost in my whole body and i think it might be due to electrolyte imbalance or something. it's super painful and so annoying, has anyone any tips on what might help the pain? thank you!

I had so much to eat today and im on the bathroom floor in extreme pain and i can’t stop throwing up

Im making a presentation on Anorexia and I have an option to ask someone some questions about their own personal experience. And I just wanted to get an idea of some good questions to ask the person. Any questions would be appreciated !! (Its one of my friends. We're close, so im not worried about offending them, but I want some good professional questions)

My parents are forcing me to start recovery right now and I honestly don’t know what to do I was planning to start recovery in three weeks but I’m not ready yet at all I’m so scared

I'm so sick of this!

No matter what or how much I eat during the day, my brain always screams for sweets after I've had dinner. I try to honour it, but then I just end up eating a ridiculous amount of chocolate and junk I know isn't good for me.

It's so frustrating and embarrassing. Why isn't what I eat ever enough? It means I'm eating about the average recommended for a person each day - but when I'm eating that most days now, I feel so gluttonous.

I don't have scales anymore, and even though I'm trying to recover, I feel like I can see all the weight I've gained and hate it!

Most of the time now I'm just worrying that I both have lied to all my family about having an eating disorder as I'm now eating all this rubbish but also that this is the start of a new problem. My brain just screams at me for more food, and while I know I'm still in control, I'm still forced to do something because I literally struggle to think of anything else at the time.

Does anyone else have a similar experience or is my brain just warped beyond repair and I'm now developing more problems?

Before anorexia I never binge ate, I just ate like a normal person. But soon after developing AN I instead got really bad bingeing issues and got into a year long binge restrict cycle where majority of days I’d binge over double what a normal adult is supposed to eat. I just wish I could stop bingeing

I have been binge eating all day. I had a huge meal at thanksgiving and enjoyed a few glasses of wine. I didn’t feel bad about that because i told myself to enjoy the holiday with my family.

But today and yesterday i have just eaten all day long, average size meals each time. I’m not even hungry and i kept eating. I am so disappointed with myself. I was feeling good about myself up until today.

I have also been making sure I’m drinking enough water due to everything I’ve eaten as well

But i can’t help but feeling just like i made a huge mistake….and im miserable about it.

No one in my family knows im dealing with this. My kids are too young and my hubby thinks it’s the meds my psychiatrist has me on.

I feel kind of physically sick/uncomfortable from it as well.

It’s too cold to go for a nice walk to take my mind off of it either Why does it have to be so hard sometimes

Eat the food. Have the experiences. Spend good time with good people. Life is too short to care about being skinny. No one cares. Well, you care. But you are the only person who cares. Your feelings are real and they matter, but two things can be true at the same time. You are wasting time. Life is too short to miss out because of food.

Today I met up with a friend and we ate cake and had coffee and had a wonderful time. Food is not just fuel; it is culture, it is experiences, it is people. How many things do we miss out on because we are scared of the food that will be there? And how many people do we know that only like us because we are skinny? None. No one. People want you there. They want you around. They wish you'd see food for what it is; fuel, but something with the propensity for so much more. It is what you make of it.

Please, please, please, please. Don't give yourself things to regret. Life is too short. Like, for example - everyone only gets to be a teenager once, right? How did I spend my one chance? Depressed, lonely, hungry, thinking about food. And you know what? D'you know how much better my life was because I was skinny, how much nicer everyone was because I was skinny, how everyone complimented me on how I was skinny? IT FUCKING WASN'T. NO ONE GAVE A SHIT. NO. ONE. GAVE. A. SHIT. I KILLED MYSELF OVER SOMETHING ONLY I GAVE A SHIT ABOUT, AND IN THE END? IN THE END I GOT NOTHING OUT OF IT EXCEPT TRAUMA AND SCARS AND MISSED OPPORTUNITIES.

Please. Eat the fucking food. Be fucking happy. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. I AM SCREAMING THROUGH MY SCREEN RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I CANNOT SAY IT CLEARLY ENOUGH. YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS.

It is not easy. But literally what is? Nothing that is good is easy. Please. Think about life. YOU DESERVE A FULL AND JOYOUS LIFE.

• from someone who is happy and content with a life that does not care about anything except feeling happy and healthy. And who regrets all the time they lost not feeling that way. And who knows that it feels fucking impossible (it still feels impossible!!!! I will forever be marred by this disorder!!!!!!) but has discovered that maybe it is possible.

There is nothing more triggering than suddenly stumbling on your own photos from a year or two ago when I thought I was fat and ugly Now looking back I‘d do everything to go back

I thought I’d recovered but apparently not

So yesterday my dad locked all my cycling and other sports related stuff since it was going way too fast into the wrong direction with my weight. I agreed on thst but already now i regret it like crazy. I want it all back. I want to be able do whatever i want to and not feel trapped like that. I get him, of course i do as i was already there once. And i never wanted to go back to that point again but here i am. And now i cant deal with the reality that lies ahead of me. I am scared and at the moment i dont feel like i am able to do this shit all over again. I am just too exhausted and mentally weak for it. I dont know when or even if it will get better. I feel so lost and lonely with all of this, eventhough i know that my dad is supporting me like crazy. I wish i would not let him not myself down like that. I feel like a complete failure and really cant see the positive at the moment.i hate it and i really have no idea how to handle it another time. Please. I would love some advice.

I’ve noticed that my desire to control my weight and food (despite currently being at a healthy weight after being underweight relatively recently) is triggered by seeing others who have recovered from eating disorders. It’s not their weight gain that triggers me, but rather their remarkable achievements: excelling in school, performing exceptionally well at work, or simply being highly productive and successful in life.

There’s a woman whose story triggers me a lot. She spent her entire teenage years severely ill, living a chaotic and broken life, even staying in therapeutic residential care homes and treatment facilities all her teenage years. Now, though, she seems to have turned everything around. She’s incredibly “successful,” thriving professionally, excelling as a soon to be physician with a lot of research experience, and living what looks like a fulfilling and stable life. What’s more, she’s using her experience to make a difference, running campaigns and advocating for better psychiatric care. Her work is meaningful, and I know that part of her mission is to ensure that people like me would have had access to better help earlier in life.

Yet, despite knowing her intentions are good, I can’t help but feel triggered by her. Seeing how she not only recovered but also turned her struggles into this impressive, impactful life makes me feel inadequate. It’s as though her journey highlights all the ways I feel like I’ve fallen short. My struggles still feel like they’ve left lasting scars. Visible gaps in my performance and opportunities that I can’t quite fill.

On some level, I understand that she probably would want me to feel supported, to know that I deserved the help I didn’t always receive. But instead, her success only amplifies the comparison in my mind. I find myself thinking that if she could endure all this and still come out on top, why can’t I? It’s a cycle of admiration, guilt, and inadequacy that’s hard to break.

It’s not just her. It’s about everyone who went through something similar. Those who were severely ill as teenagers, spent time in residential care homes or were hospitalized, and then received proper help. They seem to recover fully and go on to live successful, stable lives, where everything seems to fall into place.

This comparison makes me feel inferior, which in turn fuels my urge to lose more weight, as if doing so would help me become as disciplined and high-performing as they appear to be. Ironically, my own disordered eating was a significant factor in eventually diminishing my ability to sustain high performance. In high school, I was valedictorian with straight A's (and A+ grades, as our grading system equates A's and B's to American A's - our E's are passing grades). It wasn’t a smooth journey. I had to retake some courses during the summer... but I managed.

While I perform decently as an adult, it’s not at the same level as before. I did pursue a somewhat prestigious (with an average pay though) degree and my grades are solid but they are no longer exceptional and I needed two gap years. I haven’t landed any impressive internships, and life has been a struggle in other ways as well. Despite those achievements, I often feel like I’m not doing enough or that I’m not good enough. Perceived failure in other areas of my life has always fueled the ED-behaviours. I’ve felt a need to excel at something. In addition, my life sucks. I’m not living a life that feels good or fulfilling in other areas either. It's all I have got and I’m close to 30 (well, I’m soon 27).

What triggers me most are people who received help as teenagers, recovered properly, and now lead seemingly “healthy” lives as adults. It seems like their eating disorder didn’t leave a visible mark on their ability to perform or succeed it doesn’t show up in their résumés, nor does it seem to have affected their professional capabilities in any noticeable way. They may have missed school during their struggles, but they managed to catch up, and that gap is no longer apparent.

I think part of the difference is that, as teenagers, there’s more support and understanding from others. People care, and there’s often more room to recover without long-term consequences. In my case, my struggles happened during high school and early adulthood, a time where the room for such setbacks felt much smaller. And now these set backs fuel the disordered eating that caused the set backs to begin with.

I've been recovered for nearly a year, but this is something that's been weighing on me for a long time. When I was 15 I got the opportunity to go to a governor school. If you don't know what that is, it's a public college prep school where juniors and seniors live there until they go to college. I'm trans and I remember the lady pulling my aside and writing my chosen name on my name tag when my father left, that was the first time I felt accepted as a trans person. I remember being in the group interview and there was a non binary person in there with me. I was so excited. I thought for the first time in my life, I could flourish

But I also had an eating disorder at the time, and I was at my lowest. My father refused to let me go to the school because of my anorexia, he was scared that I would hurt myself even more without his supervision. Later that year, I had my psychotic break and developed schizophrenia. I always wondered if things would've been different had I gone, would I still be schizophrenic? Would I have ruined my chances anyways with my self destruction and psychosis?

I feel nothing but regret. When I was 15 I thought it was okay to be self destructive because of my age, like being in high school gives you a freebie to destroy yourself however you like. I was wrong. So wrong, and now I have to deal with the consequences. I could've been happy. I could've been accepted. And maybe, I could've been not schizophrenic. I feel like that was the beginning of the end for me. I hate myself so much

Ugh I’ve gained weight over the past few months and all good things, but just recently I’ve noticed my stomach like jiggles when I walk and I HATE that feeling oh my god. Is this because of water weight? Does this mean I need a bowel movement? What is this feeling and how can it go away I’m so triggered

I had a coffee this morning, and it had a little cream in it. I’m not feeling too too bad about it right now, but I can feel it sitting in my stomach. The feeling of anything being in my stomach makes me feel disgusting. Does anyone else feel this way?

Obviously, you shouldn’t comment on anyone’s body because it’s actually none of your business

However, why is it okay for people to tell me how awful I look, how I look like >!I’m going to die!< or some people even to go as far as asking if I’m trying to look like a >!holocaust victim!< etc… (all really hurtful)

But if I turned round to them and told them they looked awful, or looked like they were >!gonna drop dead from a heart attack due to being obese!< or asked them if they were trying to look like >!king Henry VIII!< that wouldn’t be okay???

Like why can’t it be a general rule that we just don’t make unnecessary comments on people’s bodies. Because I’m not gonna comment on their body because I care about them and dont want them to be self conscious- but why is one okay and not the other???????

i have been struggling with AN for over three years now and obviously i’m a very boney person and you can usually feel my bones even though clothes but someone (a complete stranger might i add) moved me out the way in a busy shop by putting their hand on my side and they promptly then froze rubbed my side to feel my ribs before scum looking me and walking away i felt disgusting and cried my way home and people are now saying im too sensitive about it and that they’re sure the person was just concerned but it made me feel like shit so am i wrong for freaking out about this?