Attempting an aesthetic. How did I do?

Just trying to figure out where the fuck I fit in. Always been a struggle. The photo on the left is only a couple weeks old. The photo on the right is two nights old. I think I'm just one ugly MF and always have. But goddamn, if there was a glimpse or hope of me being pretty, I wish I knew. I don't by any means want to look like I'm just trying to crossdress (no shade or diss to those who do; just not my intention or feeling about it). I've always been drawn toward strong alt-fem outfits and looks, and I've always mixed mens and womens clothing, even if it's just some shoes and pieces of jewelry. And don't even get me started on the shape of my body versus what I wish I was shaped like. But in the past couple years, I've just started really trying to push myself toward dressing to whichever place I belong on the gender spectrum I feel when I wake up on a day-to-day basis. Some nights, I plan my outfit for the next day, but I wake up, and it's not always where I'm at. I would assume I'm not the only one who deals with this, and I just wish I knew what to do. I feel like this shot on the right gives me glimpse, but it's still not there. I did all this just to go to Taco Bell and come home, but I feel like I'm just not quite ready to wear this full outfit (and my hair is thinning, too; it used to be glorious, so even the idea of a wig is... eh... Not sure). I just wish I was at least more androgynous, so I could swap back and forth more fluidly without feeling goody or out of place.