Been looking for years for an old /b one (c. 2003-2005) that was a gym rat forum import centred around women being attracted to the strength of your urine stream, and had this guy squeezing water bottles into the toilet etc. All other avenues exhausted, please tell me someone here has this gem saved.

I've been on there one time, and only saw porn. Everywhere. What does the green text mean? What does "options" "subjects" and "comment" in a post mean?

BTW if this doesn't belong here, it's because I'm on a burner account and I'm too lazy to switch back now that I've typed all of this and I don't have enough karma to post somewhere else

I applaud your brave, innovative suggestion that ruskies be exempt from charges of cheating. In fact, I'd like more such circumstances enacted into Western law. For instance, when ruskie (A) peddles Krokodil to ruskie (B) or to any number of ruskies, he or she should not be charged with a crime, but rather, rewarded for public service.

More ideas: corruption should be made mandatory for ruskies, especially when the idealistic ruskie doesn't want to partake in the practice and insists on elevating his own ruskie status for the betterment of his own wretched kind.

All russkies, commonly referred to as commies, cossaks, dragos, katsaps, moskals, reds, rubleheads, etc., should be perpetually placed in a state of slavery on a global scale. And ruskies identified as troublemakers should be disciplined accordingly, using any and all means necessary to maintain order: beheadings, burnings, mutilations, eye gouging, tongues cut out, drownings, drawing & quartering, and of course, the old Soviet standby: death by firing squad.

As for ruskies cheating in school, well, the drunk cocksuckers shouldn't be in schools to begin with. Schools are for fully-formed human beings, not Siberian mental cripples, not for pale, antisemitic blobs of protoplasm. Ruskies accused of assaulting their UKRAINIAN SUPERIORS should be brutally beaten to death by 10 UKRAINIANS (5 men, 5 women) armed with polearms. Ruskies accused of any form of insubordination and making any eye contact with UKRAINIAN PEOPLE should be blinded in one eye and have one ear drum permanently shattered.

Sweet Saint Olga of Kyiv, there's so much more, but who has the time to list all that's needed, all that's necessary to combat the ruskie menace? The entire world must be ethnically cleansed in the most proper manner whereby ALL ruskies are either put into mass graves all over the earth or (the lucky shits) sent straight to one of those frigid Siberian shit-hole islands where life is good for ruskies. millions of greasy fish to eat and a great multitude of animals available for mating: snow geese, polar bears, musk oxen, walruses (just like Vladimir Putin), arctic foxes (just like the ones that prey on so many innocent lives all over the continent) and others. Strong ice blocks from which the ruskies can build their vagrant igloos in and so much more.

And, back to cheating, what's the fucking difference? No sane employer wants to hire a fucking empty-headed vodka nigger with a worthless, phony diploma. It's automatically assumed that the Soviet motherfucker cheated to graduate without any effort. As for you, asshole, I LOVE your authentic ruskie moskal name. With your permission, "professor", (My fucking ass re: PHD) I'll just refer to you as "Kaputnik" or, if you prefer, Rasputin or Popov. Thanks for the hearty laugh. You inferior drunkards are really something. I'm in the Elite Special Forces Division of the Azov Regiment, and when the counter-invasion comes, AND IT WILL FUCKING COME, I look forward to unleashing hell to every ruskie I encounter, even beyond the point of violating every part of the Geneva Convention. I almost wish you could read some of the intel I receive that confirms the storm-to-come. UKRAINIAN patriots are NOT as asleep as you'd like to think they are. The newly-formed Children of Sharafmal no longer excludes UKRAINIANS, so a unified front of 400 million PRO-UKRAINIAN WESTERNERS is well on the horizon, Rasputin.

Sleep on that thought.

Alright, so I assume you all know who Jaiden Animations is. The joke of her being sexualized has begun to rise, and I need your help bringing it to the next level. It needs to be done by someone with a huge dong, as mine is nothing to write home about. The video needs to start with you closing the curtains of the room you're in and opening a wardrobe. Inside the wardrobe are lit candles and pictures of animated Jaiden, with a large picture of Jaiden in real life in the center. Under that picture will be a Jaiden doll, with a hole between the legs. I need you to play a video that is just made up of clips that sound as if she is moaning and cut to have her say "I love you anon". While the video plays, you will fuck the everloving shit out of that doll. Once you're finally ready to blow your load, you need to let out the manliest groan heard by man and rip through the other side of the doll with your dick. After that, the video will cut out. I know what you're thinking, "what would we do with a video like that?" Well, the next step is to get her to see it. Tag her in it and post it anywhere you can. She may not tell anyone that she has seen it, but she will have to acknowledge that it is out there.

https://i.imgur.com/rHrug0g.png

Many sooryies for bad englandish.

Wear were you wen ronnie robins was pronounced ded?

I was sitting in personal sink, scrabbing my ballshair wen freind txst massage me.

"Ronnie is ded"

Dat clown from hambegels joint?

"Nu, ronnie robins from couch turnip provdence"

Nu...

I ajaxed my beaniebagger and shleped it down to the local fozernaut to drank my sadies begone byes.

How boot yoy

I'm looking for a dystopian greentext where the world has been taken over by SJWs and money has been replaced by privilege points, straight white men are beaten in the streets, etc. All other 4Chan subs ban text submissions so here I am.

This thread again? Again?

This site has nothing to offer anybody. There is no quality content you cannot get more quickly and efficiently elsewhere. This is an addiction which reduces your productivity, attention span, and free-time. You are becoming more bitter, narrow-minded, haughty, and old. Leave now and block this site. There is nothing here but slow, lonely suicide.

People do not have arguments here. Posters do not engage one another on key points, they nitpick with greentext and mock each other. Nobody is interested in the truth; people are battling for fleeting moments of superiority. Active commenters are loud jackasses who tumble into one internet fight after another, anxiously keeping ten tabs open to ensure they keep the last word in all of them. An insightful post is one in ten thousand, and no matter how hard you filter this place you are still searching for diamonds in a garbage dump.

This place is not making you happy. You are not having fun. You are not gathering stories to tell, learning, or growing as a person. Instead you chuckle every thirty minutes and are occasionally spurred to masturbation by libidinal posts or pictures. You are addicted to readily available information and pressure free social interaction. This place is slowly poisoning you with misogyny, narcissism, a false dichotomy surrounding normalfags, and insecurity.

I'm not telling you to be yourself. I'm not telling you to go outside. I'm not even telling you to make friends. Just leave 4chan. Do anything else.

Is there any logical reason why you would fucking say that post is underrated? Has anybody expressed any kind of dissatisfaction or criticism at all against it? Are you delusional? Are you reading replies that are nonexistant? Maybe you come from communities with voting systems, but there is literally no way that you could know what other people think of that post you just replied to here. Maybe it's psychological. Maybe it's your own post you're replying to, like a 12 year old fucktard liking his own facebook posts thinking his swelling autism is going unnoticed. Maybe your self esteem depends on you tricking yourself into thinking someone out there thinks your post is worth something. Or maybe you are just a retard, the worst kind of retard, the one who thinks he's smart, the one who thinks he's the only one to have gotten the joke, to have understood the post. Well, guess what, faggot, that post is under no definition underrated so why don't you do the world a favor and go check out what the bottom of your toilet smells like?

Allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go.

Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.

I have this theory, and here is the best place to put it, because all of you guys will completely bury it, just like I want.

WW2 selected the "Super Jew" or whatever you want the call the people who made it out of the horrors of the Ghettos, and then the Camps and the Final Solution. The same goes for other genocides that continue(d) around the world. Anywhere that people were thrown into horrible situations, you saw the very most cunning and physically capable survive.

In both mental and physical ways, but in this case a whole group of Jews who were able to survive the horrors of the camps, and then later moved to Israel (you also see this in places like Bosnia, where survivors of purges are very tough, as they've survived "the Hunger Games" but in real life).

For the Jewish folks of occupied territory, and many other classes of people, it went beyond natural selection. Glasses? Dead. Can't work? Dead. Get hurt? Dead. Made someone angry? Dead.

For some of you Autistic folks, dreaming of being dressed in Black, this sounds like a pretty sweet deal, you'd have the power of life and death. There were guys, totally normal in every other way, liked their women, liked their booze, liked their food... and their gold from the teeth of the people they killed.

You get all sorts, but most of those guys in black only had about a four-year run, so figure High School or College if you want to put your mind around that... and then they were executed for the most part, or on the run for the rest of their lives.

The people who made it through an experience like that... to compare them to SJWs who are "hurt" by words?

I know it's a joke, and a play on words, but there are Jews who would probably find the comparison more that a bit insulting.

"I make it out of this death camp, where they kill all my family, and you compare me to this person who's hurt by a camera... is this some sort of a fucking joke?" Yea, I can imagine a bunch a old Jewish people descending on SJWs like a pack of zombies. They won't stop, they just keep coming, and they won't stop until they understand what the 1st Amendment really means.

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteres are at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a tatol mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Listen up, dickbeater: If you'll take off your nipple clamps for a bit and quit moussing your taper-fade fauxhawk you might get a little more blood to your brain since your skinny jeans and fedora seem to be stopping the flow of it to your brain apparently. Goddamit in my day we didn't use a phone like you young shit-for-brains to send a picture of our dick to a woman. We fucking showed it to her in the backseat of a car at a drive in movie. And we didn't take naked "selfies" of ourselves while imitating a duckface! We got naked at the park with a hot chick and didn't care if the ducks walked around us while we were bumping uglies to the tunes of the Stones. We didn't use computers to beat off like you puppy pricks, we manned up with a Playboy or a Penthouse and probably beat off to your mother's images she didn't tell your fucking oil trader father about. We didn't shave our fucking nuts like you dickheads do and we sure as shit didn't need a computer dating service, we fucking went to bars and picked up women with our quick wit and snappy patter, not some fucking poorly spelled booty call on a smart phone messaging system. "u up? mfw horney. horney.jpeg." You young fuckers have ruined sex with your tattooed testicles and fucking chinese letters on every exposed part of your body and you come to work on weekends with goddam dayglo soccer shoes and socks that don't match on your little hairy white feet and talk shit about Basel II while carrying tranny porn on a thumb drive in your pocket. Why don't you drive your thumb up your ass and browse that file?

I am looking for a specific green text it starts off something along the lines of since the beggining man has wanted to fuck the sky. Also looking for the finger of kahli.

So?

Guess what, faggot - nobody cares. That's right.

Outside of the internet circle jerk, nobody gives a shit. The entire world doesn't give a fuck. You - you give a fuck, because you're morbidly obese and a virgin. Literally millions and millions and millions of people around the globe don't give a shit about a single thing you're talking about. They don't care about 30fps/1080p. They don't care about shaders. They don't care about how butthurt you are that games aren't being made exclusively for 15 year old boys anymore.

Watching you impotently rage against these facts - not opinions, friend, facts - has me in stitches.

Go on. Yell at me about how none of that matters and everyone but you is stupid and consoles aren't REALLY selling, or whatever dog shit that faggots like you spew to make yourselves feel better. I dare you.

What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o’ the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I’ll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o’ the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn’t, ye didn’t, and now ye’ll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I’ll shit fury all over ye and ye’ll drown in the depths o’ it. You’re fish food now.

At least we don't have fucking abos. What happened brah? How'd it go so wrong? You almost hunted them to extinction then chickened the fuck out. Pussies. If you're going to start something be a fucking man and follow it through. Do you like the idea of being repeatidly fucked by nungas? Having them sniff paint and steal your shoes? Is that what turns you fucking desert dwelling downies on? Fucking disgusting. >Australia >White Fucking pieces of shit aren't even anglo tier. You're basically all fucking chinks now anyway. You're so fucking swedish tier you can't even say no to asian niggers on boats without being called racist. You've had a ranga witch for a prime minister, how the fuck did it go so wrong? you piece of shit, your country is a fucking hole and I'd rather be a weaboo than live in that shit hole straya where you get fucked by nungas and jack off asian niggers when they get off the boat. You even lost a fucking war to a bunch of birds, how the fuck does that happen? NZ is 1/20 the size of your shitty country and we've driven 100+ birds to extinction no FUCKING problem, yet you can't beat a bunch of emus. Have you seen a moa? You seen how big those fuckers were? we killed them while you were blowing ahmed and mohammed, and giving a handyjay to mr wang. You realize straya is the sweden of oceania right? LOL fucking shit heads. you just drink all day everyday because you're too pussy to stnd up for your hole of a country.

I wouldn't go as far as to call it a meme. 'chortle' As a meme-enthusiast, I find it rather disturbing you'd think of this scenario as a "meme". It is with great sorrow that I must inform you that you're banned from using memes of any kind. For three months. The cyber police have given me the okay on the ban and ill be sending your isp a localized report on my findings.

You have only but yourself to blame.

Good day.

I feel so honored to be the first comment. All of my hard work and dedication has paid off. Getting the top comment has been a dream of mine for many years, and i would like to thank those who have helped me along the way. First and foremost i would like to thank god for giving me this opportunity. Next i would like to thank my parents. I want to thank my friend Josh Arcaro, for being really skinny and always there for me. I would also like to thank my pet tadpole for surviving against all odds for over a week. Next i would like to thank the squirrel that lives in my backyard for climbing trees because that gives me inspiration that i need to get through the day. This is a special moment in my life and i would like to thank any of my unmentioned friends and family that have helped me along the way. This moment will be a moment that i will never forget. I just remembered a few other people i would like to thank; facebook, the fish i caught in the third grade, my light in my room bc i wouldn’t be able to see the keyboard without it, the internet for letting me go on facebook, my house because without it i would be homeless, and last but not least i would like to thank all the people out there that actually took time out of their day to read this. I cannot stress how much of a big deal to me this is. I have been trying to be the first comment on a post for years, but that has not been possible until this amazing day. Hopefully my good luck will continue, but this is undoubtedly a rare occasion. If you asked me how i did this, i would say, you can achieve anything u set your mind on. To all the kids out there reading this, i would like to tell them to follow their dreams. Being the top comment is amazing, thank you everyone

What the fuck do you think you're doing you fucking retard? You fucking broke all fucking userscripts with this recent gay-ass fucking change that serves literally no fucking purpose. Why the fuck do you need to fucking reformat URLs you fucking mongloid, nobody ever fucking looks at the fucking URLs anyways. You know, at first I was fucking sceptical of these fucking changes being all that bad. Userscripts would fucking get fixed within fucking days, and they did little fucking harm. Or so I fucking thought. But just now, I was fucking trying to download some fucking pictures from a fucking Yuru Yuri thread on fucking /a/, and guess fucking what you shitlord piece of cancer trash? It didn't fucking work. Who the fuck do you think you fucking are you fucking piece of trash, breaking my fucking download script, you fucking shit! What's the matter you flaming fucking faggot, do you fucking hate cute fucking lesbians? You're a fucking menace to the fucking earth and I'll fucking enjoy personally wiping you off the face of this fucking planet you miserable piece of shit, I swear to fucking god I'll come to your fucking house and fucking burn it down you fucking shithead. Just you fucking wait. We're all fucking sick of your Jewish fucking bullshit you fucking imbicle shit-for-brains. One fucking day we're all gonna fucking come together and we're gonna fucking torture you till you fucking cry out for your fucking whore mother you fucking mule. If you fucking think we'll fucking forget this easily then you're fucking mistaken you worthless asshat. We're fucking Anonymous, we do not fucking forgive, and we certainly don't fucking forget you retarded faglord. Fucking expect us.

ur mother is dumbass and all of u are idiots lol look for the truth 0+0=0 cant posiblle give u 1 ever so relegion is true i am not even saying 0+0=0 do justice but i am saying 0+0=0 can't possibly give u 1

This entire thread is full of bullshit. Men lie about EVERYTHING competitive, like how much you can bench press, or how long you've been lifting, whether you take gear or not, how you didn't study for that exam you got 85% for, how many women you have had sex with etc.

The average number of sex partners that men have over their lifetime is 5-7 according to studies. Any guy who says he can get laid more than once or twice a semester is straight up lying. That, or he is spending all of his time going out and talking to women.

You should listen to me because unlike everyone else in this thread I actually know what I'm talking about, I'm an amateur PUA who has done 1000's of approaches. I've had dozens of nights in a row where I didn't get laid. This thread is quite clearly full of men who simply don't go out who are writing up fantastical stories.

So don't feel bad if you have only had sex with a few women, that's normal. I have to talk to about 100 women before I find one who will have sex with me, this number is consistent across day and night game. When you are first starting out you're likely to have to meet 500+ women before you'll start getting a few lays. Damn you assholes for baiting me into replying to this.

The fact that so many books still name the Beatles "the greatest or most significant or most influential" rock band ever only tells you how far rock music still is from becoming a serious art. Jazz critics have long recognized that the greatest jazz musicians of all times are Duke Ellington and John Coltrane, who were not the most famous or richest or best sellers of their times, let alone of all times. Classical critics rank the highly controversial Beethoven over classical musicians who were highly popular in courts around Europe. Rock critics are still blinded by commercial success: the Beatles sold more than anyone else (not true, by the way), therefore they must have been the greatest. Jazz critics grow up listening to a lot of jazz music of the past, classical critics grow up listening to a lot of classical music of the past. Rock critics are often totally ignorant of the rock music of the past, they barely know the best sellers. No wonder they will think that the Beatles did anything worth of being saved.

Look who it is again, ID Heaven. I'm fed up with your shit faggot. The other day when you called me a newfag, yeah, haven't forgotten about that yet. Fuck you I've been on here for months and probably get on here more than you anyways. Don't you know that you make yourself look like a newfag when you call others newfag? Just because you learned how to hack your name and change it to "Heaven" does not give you the right to disrespect anyone at any time.

soup /b/... I had a TERRIBLE Thanksgiving. I would like to tell you about it.

You see, yesterday we had our family thanksgiving and it was my job to prepare to the turkey. Well, I had the turkey in advance so I could beat the rush, so I simply went to the kitchen yesterday morning and put the previously unthawed turkey on to the counter and began to cut the plastic wrapping off of the massive dead bird.

I began to tedious task of preparing this beast and then I noticed this thing seemed to have a gaping turkey VAGINA. I laughed to myself and put it in the oven after setting the timer. To pass the time, I figured I would satisfy my hard on with a little bit of 'me time' and porno movies I happened to have on my computer. No one was up yet, so I wasn't disturbed and I came easily. In fact, I had perfect timing. The timer buzzed the second I came.

I wanted to sit there and relax, but I knew the damned bird would burn if I did. I dragged myself up and proceeded back into the kitchen. I nearly pissed myself when I walked in on my little brother thrusting his thirteen year old cock into MY turkey. He jerked his head in my direction and the bird hit the ground with a wet flop, his cum dribbling out of its dead hole. I felt sick so I yelled at him to get back to his room. I had worked so damn hard and spent good money on this fucking thing.

I didn't even want to pick it up, anon. I sighed and sat on the floor next to it. There was nothing I could do. Well, except have my way with the turkey. They wouldn't notice, anyway.

why do they call it the xbox 360?

because when you see it, you'll turn 360 degrees and walk away

(no it wasn't a troll)

Hi, I'm Gregg and I work at Gamestop. I have a simple message for the members of this forum. DON'T EVER, EVER, EVER FUCKING CALL UP MY PLACE OF WORK AGAIN. I KNOW YOU PATHETIC FUCKS DON'T HAVE JOBS OF YOUR OWN AND YOUR PARENTS PAY FOR YOUR SKYPE AND YOUR INTERNET ACCESS AND YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW HARD IT IS TO ACTUALLY WORK A FULL TIME JOB.

WHAT YOU FUCKHEADS DON'T REALIZE IS BY YOU CALLING AND ASKING FOR BATTLEFROGS OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER YOU FUCKERS SAY OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, IT TAKES UP PRECIOUS TIME WHICH WE NEED TO HELP ACTUAL CUSTOMERS.

YOU ARE MAKING US LOSE MONEY. AND BY 'US' I MEAN THE EMPLOYEES. EVERY PRANK CALL THE STORE WE WORK AT RECEIVES, WE LOSE HOWEVER AMOUNT OF TIME WE SPEND ON THE PHONE TALKING TO YOU COMES RIGHT OUT OF OUR MEASLY PAYCHECKS.

SO FUCK OFF IT ISN'T FUNNY AND OUR STORE AT LEAST HAS ALREADY CONTACTED THE AUTHORITIES AND YES THERE IS ACTION WE CAN PURSUE AGAINST THIS MESSAGEBOARD.

Have a fucking great day. And don't call my place of work anymore.

Women are not actually attracted to men. There is a vague idea of what a man is physically, and some are better than others aesthetically speaking, but the purely physical appearance of a man is almost inconsequential unless he is horribly ugly or outrageously attractive.

Women are attracted to status, money, how much a man smiles and laughs, how many friends and resources a man has, how full a man's life is--how many "cool," "exciting" and prestigious things he is doing or connected to.

They are interested in how other people view him--how many people want to be around him, how other people interact with him and whether their interactions convey that he is special and amazing. They want him to be extremely outgoing and aggressive, they want him to demonstrate his status over other people by dominating them in various non-violent ways.

A woman's attraction to a man is a function of her jealousy at the thought of another woman having that man. She doesn't care who he actually is or EXACTLY what he looks like physically, she only cares about the VALUE of the life he has constructed around himself.

A woman basically is a greedy materialistic prostitute. Although that sounds vulgar, it's true. She trades her physical self to buy into the success a man has created for himself.