So I have two ideas for the prologue and for how I’ve planned out the story I can’t really connect the two for the prologue. The worst part is the fact that these two possible prologues both pertain to two of the most important aspects in the story.

Prologue 1: depicting an escape of a slave trying to evade capture, following him ducking in and out of the forest while trying to evade capture and we get a bit of internal thoughts and foreshadowing to a story he tells later on, as well as showing that the fear people have for the enslaved race (orcs and offshoot races) isn’t exactly justified.

this slave ends up playing the most key role in the story, and with how everything is looking so far he’d be introduced either in chapter 3 or 4 (depending on if I include or remove stuff that may take up a chapter)

Prologue 2: The siege and fall of a castle by a large band of escaped orcs, trolls, ogres, and goblins, in which we’d be introduced to 5 (human) characters all of which play large roles throughout the story as well as the castle being the main base of operations, not to mention it helps to show and explain the power vacuum in the area.

it also displays a conflict between two of the dominant groups for the story

With the way things are going they’ll be introduced in chapter 5 or 6 (again depending on how everything shakes out)

This would show a huge conflict that (if everything goes to plan and I decide to keep writing after I finish this one) would take up the first two books and would carry through out the entire series as well as significant plot points for characters in later books (again if I decide to write more after this one)

————————————————————————

So these are the two options the reason I don’t think I could do both is they take place MONTHS apart and while they are connected (the orcs are only in the area because of the escaped slave), and while I’ve thought of including both and have them separated I just don’t want to cause any unnecessary confusion of people thinking they’re taking place concurrently. If yall have any suggestions on how to do both and help avoided confusion I’d much appreciate it.

I’m just wondering what ya’ll would find most interesting as a prologue that would help capture your attention. Again if anyone has any ideas on how to do both and make it not seem confusing I’d be happy to test them out, thanks!

:)

ETA: this is a multi-POV story idk if that helps with leaning one way or another for your decision the slave character will have POV chapters, and 3 of the 5 humans in the castle will have POV chapters.

A while ago I posted some questions about immortality in regards for the latest chapter of my Lumity fan fic from the Owl House. I would like some feedback and I will say this beforehand yes it may seem a bit too idyllic and there are some overtones of the Mary Sue trope to a certain extent in regards to their immortality in a certain way which I will say is intentional. So while I would like to give you a link it does not seem to be possible with Archives of Our Own on this subreddit so if you wish to see it look for the 27th chapter of Lumity Dependency on Ao3. This fan fic is mostly an anthology so you do not have to start from the first chapter and I hope you find it enjoyable.

The maiden walks around the table with her box, setting the pieces on the large board, each to its own tile. The table of today is set for four players and one watcher, me, and I have not yet seen the game of four performed. I watch as she sets her pieces carefully at the spire before her younger sister’s chair, all twenty-nine pieces arranged in a slightly misshapen arrow pointing toward the center. Her empress and consort are slightly rear of center, her charge, shown by a scratched iron coin, is set just behind the front point, slightly under one of the foddermen. She walks past her chair, then pauses. She sets down a grayish pebble, a lump of coal, a watch gear, and a scratched foddermen, nods, then moves toward her older sister’s chair. She sets out the twenty-nine how her sister prefers - emperor and consort in the rear, an extra castle, no charge, and a piece of glass replacing a bishop. I back away for her to reach the final place at the table. There he pauses for a long moment, her bright tired eyes scanning the board. She produces a small seed, an arrowhead and a figurine of a female faun playing a flute. She sets the faun just behind where the first foddermen would go and the arrowhead she sets in mirror image to her own emperor. She places the seed opposite her consort, pauses, then slowly slides it forward to mirror the foddermen on the coin. She sighs, nods, then walks around to take her seat. And then we wait.

Trying not to fidget, I watch her eyes scanning the pieces and the chairs. She’s wondering who will arrive first. Her eyes, I notice, keep going back to the seed and the coin across from it. She can’t move the pieces anymore now that she’s taken her seat, but the placement seems to make her uneasy.

“Well,” she says at last, “it seems we still can make this one more way of interesting.” She stood and brushed down her dress. “Let’s go to the market while we wait.” I nod and stand. She’s playing the Strangers, or trying to, before the game is even begun. “Tea and crackers and cheeses,” she thinks aloud. “Anything else sound good?” Our eyes meet. “You can speak to me, Thomas. It won’t change anything.”

I nod. “Are there toffees at the market?”

Her tired eyes widen and she laughs and her laugh is the laugh of a child seeing its mother return to the room.

“What?” I say with a shrug, “ I like toffees.”

“You are a curious son, Thomas,” she says after collecting herself, and her eyes seem somehow less tired now. “Yes, I know you like toffees. It’s just that that’s the first you’ve spoken all morning, and it’s a delightfully simple thing to say.”

<><><><><><><>

Rather than giving additional context, I’ll ask:

1. generally, how does it read?
2. what do you think is happening?
3. would you read on?
4. what questions do you have?
5. what mood does it carry?

(Feel free to answer all or one or none, or to critique. It’s a new scene and is very much a work in progress so I’m not married to it and would be happy to receive negative or positive notes and take them in stride in the spirits of constructive criticism.)

A few weeks ago, I posted chapter one of a new book idea I named The Red Oath, and I got some feedback that really helped me out. I decided that a prologue would be interesting to include in my story. It will be from the POV of my main character's father, Jon Belmont, and it sets up for the events in chapter one. However, I know some people skip prologues, so I made it as short as possible, and if a reader decided to pass on the prologue, I'll make the rest of the story make sense without it, but if they were to read it, they would be able to understand the storyline better and get the POV of the person who initiated the entire start of the story.

For a bit of background information, I have created monsters called hushbinds. These beasts use souls to stay alive, and they are able to manipulate sound waves to conceal their own footsteps and silence their victims' screams. I also have a magic system in my book, although in the prologue I felt it unnecessary to explain, as it is straight-forward in the sense that a witch will cast a spell. I wanted to avoid info-dumping as much as possible. Additionally, Emberly, Jon's daughter and the mc of my book, is a human-hushbind hybrid, and the danger she posed to society ended her up in a prison in a place called Lunamor, as referenced in the prologue. She has the abilities of a hushbind, and her father did not understand how to deal with her because of that.

In chapter one, the story's events will unfold shortly after what Jon does in the prologue, and my main character, Emberly Belmont, will not know why everything is happening. And as Jon does not tell anybody his plan, it leaves the reader wondering what really was Jon's plan, and why was he successful at the end of prologue, and how did it affect Emberly?

Some feedback I'm looking for: I need to know if my prologue makes sense, and isn't too complicated. I still wanted a layer of mystery, such as how Jon's plan was successful, but I didn't want it so mysterious that it only serves to confuse readers and takes away from my attempt at intriguing the audience. I'm wondering if my sentences flow nicely, and if it interests anyone. Any honest feedback is welcomed, those were only my main concerns.

I will attach the google doc below, but I will provide a short excerpt under the link.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/16exORjigolJIp95z0qhmMvTWXZCK47qshmDuMvyfLaU/edit?usp=sharing

Quick summarization: Jon Belmont's wife, Linette, dies by the hands of a hushbind. Her soul was taken, and Jon is determined to hunt her down in an attempt to free her from the beast. However, he asks a witch to help him find her, and she uses a spell which connects a key (a cherished relic of Linette's) to Linette's soul. The prologue flashes back between the interaction of the witch from yesterday to the moment Jon is in the woods following the key's connection. At the end of the prologue, he finds the hushbind, calls out to Linette, to which he feels her soul awaken. He is happy his plan works, however, the reader is left wondering what his plan was the entire time, and how it will lead to freeing his wife and daughter.

Short Excerpt:

I trudged through the woods alone, the witch’s warning from yesterday in the back of my mind.

“I need to find my wife,” I had said to her.

“Do I look like a cop?” the witch replied. “This sort of thing is not for my line of work.” She went to turn away, heading into the back of her shop.

“It is when she’s dead.”

She froze. After a moment, she turned around, and narrowed her eyes. “You better explain yourself.”

The forest was dense and shrouded in darkness. There was only the vague moonlight creeping through semi-bare tree branches, and the key in my hand, glowing a pale blue. Neither lit my surroundings enough to guide me through the night, but I did not need light. I kept my pace, trekking deeper within the forest. No matter how much I tried to shake away my fear, all I could think about was what waited for me in the dark, and the witch’s words, cautioning me from walking further.

“A hushbind killed her.” It has taken everything within me to force the words out. “The monster took her soul, and I need to find where she is. Can it be done?”

She hesitated. “It can, although it shouldn’t.”

“But I need this.” My tone was urgent. “I need to find her.”

She sighed, sitting down at the little wooden table in the corner. “Sometimes souls leave imprints on certain objects. When an imprint is formed, there is a small connection between the object and the soul, but the connection is weak. It dies out within a matter of days after it is created, but it can be restored, and can be made stronger than it was before, using a simple spell. If you hold the object, you will feel the connection. She will pull you in, guiding you right to her.”

“Wonderful.” I refrained from rolling my eyes. “How could I possibly find an object like that?”

“Find a relic she cherished deeply. Chances are, her soul imprinted on it, but it has to be a sacred object, close to her heart. Choose wisely.”

“Take this.” I had thrown the key onto the table between us. It was the small key to my wife’s journal, the one she brought everywhere, and after her death, the one I kept in my pocket to remind me of her. Her name, Linette, was engraved on the side.

After a quick examination, she turned to me. “This should suffice. But I must warn you, this connection will work two ways.” She leaned forward, her voice low and grave. “And the thing at the end of this connection is not your wife anymore.”

Hello! This is my first ever attempt at writing in the litRPG genre and I'd love to hear some honest feedback in both the content, the litRPG system itself (relatively lite right now I believe), and overall impressions of the first chapter.

I'd also really like to hear your impression of the formatting I've tried as it pertains to exchanging text messages. I think it works well but It would be nice to get a readers perspective.

Thank you so much!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DxLfx6Ty3Pg6gfdSFnti3_4BkfEW_ENXZAgBZAnfboc/edit?usp=drivesdk

Synposis:

Connor’s got alot on his mind recently, between grinding his ass off to get his degree, trying to keep things afloat with his girlfriend and have a life of his own, it’s safe to say things haven’t been going too smoothly. He’s barely had enough time for himself, let alone to play games any more. When duty calls in the form of his best friend literally begging on his hands and knees for some help in a popular full immersion fantasy RPG, Connor decides to try and get back in.

The story follows Connor as he reconnects with the world of gaming, as well as some old friends he didn’t expect to ever see again.

The goal of the story itself: chapter 1 is designed to try and set the scene and expectations of the story to come. Re:Connect is meant to be a character forward piece. While not heavily outlined in this first chapter, it will be a romance and drama where the full immersion game acts as a vehicle to drive the relationships between old friends while Connor learns there is more to life than "success" and the grind. Re:Connect is meant to be a slow burn, and a fairly personal and intimate story that takes its time.

With that said, I don't want the story to drag or be a chore to get through. I'm trying to find a balance between the litRPG elements such as system explanation and everything else. If anything in the story is actively hindering enjoyment then let me know!

Asking because I'm 62k words into my WIP and I realized how confusing this aspect might be to an audience. While religion is a huge part of my story, I haven't even named the faith or addressed the worship practices. Am I fucked?

For context, there's two chief deities. One is wise, kind, and patient. The other is prone to anger and cruelty and is obsessed with rules and order. So kind of an Old Testament God vs New Testament God. Both are equally revered, but there's sort of a split in the world about which one the citizens are more in favor of. Haven't delved into that aspect as much yet.

Either way, the two deities often visit the world to offer advice and check in on their creation's progress. The story is set in the Second Age of the land, after an apocalyptic event caused by the crueler, angrier deity.

So: any ideas on how this would shape a religion?

I've started reading The Heroes by Joe Abercrombie and while I'm enjoying it, the way he writes dialogue can be irritating and confusing. I've felt this way reading books before where it feels like the author is trying to entertain the audience with witty or clever remarks and descriptions during conversations but fails to actually convey the message of the story or what is supposed to be happening in a way that is clear to the reader. (Using humor in serious situations seems to be a favorite among these kinds of authors, like a edgy teen cracking a joke to sound cool.)

If I'm perfectly honest it feels like writers like this anticipated their audience not being intelligent enough to follow the story so instead of build up the plot they focus on throw away dialogue that can entertain for about a page but then disappears from memory, because as far as the larger picture is concerned each interaction is meaningless. And each page, each conversation, plays out that way, until the author decides at a certain point that plot information must be conveyed, and it usually comes out as exposition or monologues.

It just surprises me that Joe Abercrombie is such a large name in Fantasy and grimdark, yet he still falls into these juvenile pitfalls of telling scab jokes and making his characters giggle about sex. (Right after discussing decapitations.)

Are books written in large for younger audiences these days? Are GRRM's rare? Where are all the adult books that have deeper meaning than "big guy swing sword look cool, make badass joke right after?"

Hi! I decided to give writing a shot and managed to write some words. This is what i have so far for my novel/webnovel. Feedback would be greatly appreciated! (Not a native speaker so also let me know if you notice any grammar issues.)

​

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Valhalla – Houses of Heroes

Summary

[Your feats have been recognized by Valhalla…]

[You’re hereby granted the title of Legend.]

Those are the words that every child from the Houses of Heroes wishes to hear someday. The same goes for young Edward. A novice from the House of Alexander determined to build a legend that will last the test of time.

Call upon your ancestors, or build your own legend, many paths can lead to Valhalla.

​

Chapter 1: Prologue

‘That’s definitely not how a field test is supposed to look like!’

Edward thought while running for his life, slipping in the mud with every other step. His body was surrounded by a faint glowing aura barely keeping the bullets away from his skin. Bruises covered his back due to the ones it couldn’t stop fully.

The cold evening air brought with it a smell of something burning in the distance. Preoccupied with outrunning the enemy, Edward had no time to investigate its source. With a lingering taste of blood in his mouth he once again turned to look at his pursuers. While the soldiers armed with guns surely weren’t a welcome sight, his eyes mostly stuck to the group with swords and shields catching up to him with unnatural speed.

‘Let’s hope that at least the rest of the squad is doing better than me’

Loud explosions could be heard coming from the main battlefield, two fighter jets flying over their heads. It was supposed to be a relatively unimportant area of the frontlines, where Edward and his squadron were sent for their first practice in the field. But for whatever reason today the enemy happened to launch a powerful assault. To make it worse a Legend from The House of Lu Bu led the strike force. Legends were a fearsome force on any battlefield, recognized by Valhalla or inheritors of powerful feats, they draw on the power of their legend, manifesting miraculous abilities in a fight.

Naturally, Edward didn’t want to be anywhere close to this guy. He kept rushing in the direction of nearby mountains. The small group of warriors chasing ever closer behind. Noticing an opening in the rocky cliffs he turned towards it. While the entrance to the valley was drawing closer, his legs struggled to keep up with the pace of his run.

‘Come on, have to keep moving at least a little longer’

Forcing his body to listen, he finally reached the narrow passage. But hearing the steps getting louder behind him, he knew a fight was unavoidable. The only hope was to somehow survive until the reinforcements arrived. With a heavy breath, he turned around. His ethereal aura from before, feeble like a candle flame in the wind. In his eyes, five opponents had already assembled into a fan-shaped formation. Three men with swords and shields like himself, another wielding a greataxe, and a woman holding a longspear. While Edward was slowly backing away towards the valley, trying to reduce the possible attack paths, the opposing group started approaching.

“I wasn’t aware the House of Alexander was filled with cowards these days” the woman ridiculed, brandishing her spear. One of the warriors on her left stepped in with a slash, his sword bouncing away from Edward’s shield.

‘Right now they’re just probing me, but in a 1v5 the only chance I have is if I create a way to deal with them one by one before the others can exploit the opening.’

Edward tried to control his breathing, focusing on calming his shaking body. He tried to squeeze even more energy from his empty reserves. Sharp pain grasped his heart, leaving him breathless for a moment, but his aura regained some vigour, now even brighter than before.

[Your predicament has gained the attention of a Valkyrie.]

[She looks closely at your next actions.]

A calm ethereal voice sounded in Edward’s mind. He didn’t even notice it at the time, under the pressure of his current situation. His mind working on overdrive, analysing the surroundings and preparing for battle. He stood perfectly still, not even blinking. The moment another opponent took a step closer than his allies, Edward lunged forward with a lightning-fast slash across the neck before the opponents sword even had time to reach him.

A lifeless body fell to the ground, sword and shield still in hand. Edward’s face made an ugly grimace. Taking advantage of the momentary shock, he turned around and run deeper into the valley.

In my work in progress (high fantasy in a fictional, medieval-like world), when I write a sex scene, I'm not sure how to refer to female genitals in sentences such as these.

He wanted to explore her ____

His fluid filled her ____

I know that pussy is too slangy for this genre and vagina is too scientific (or am I wrong?).

I tried calling it cavity.

He wanted to explore the cavity between her legs.

His fluid filled her cavity.

My beta reader (who's a woman) said, "Definitely the wrong word, but I'm not going to help you find the right one." I had also thought of using the words cave or cavern, but I suppose if cavity is wrong, so are they, so I didn't ask her about them.

Any ideas?

Background: My magic structure is going to be rather rigid in my worldbuilding. Power is drawn from using language and alphabet of the gods (sorcerors speak, wizards draw the letters in air). The god-language is mostly dead so very few words are actually known (Fire, water, etc.) Casting a spell is basically just saying what you want to happen, so the more complicated the spell the more of the language you need to know

The question: One of the spells is based around plant growth, the idea is that its a very taboo spell because you can literally cause a flower to bloom in someones brain, lungs or throat. Im just wondering what flower it should be? I want to say rose, because its a nice visual, but are there any flowers that are more closely associated with something wicked?

Hello, I know there's a ton of posts like this with the general love/hate tropes but I would like to know about your opinions regarding this "Overthrow the Empire" plot especifically! There's ton of stories where the protagonists fight and often overthrow an evil regime such as Star Wars, Mistborn, The Hunger Games and many more! What tropes can't you stand and which tickle your brain in the right way?

I love it when a character (often the protagonist) inspires others to overcome despair and band together even if the odds are terrible. I also like it when the regime slowly loses control and they get more desperate/emotional over that, especially if it's in part due to a mistake/arrogance on their part.

I hate it when it's about killing the leader and nothing else, as if a society that's been oppressed or under an evil regime for a long time can just flip a switch and become prosperous/righteous that easily.

Welcome to our Monthly Self-Promotion Thread! This is your special realm to share and shine. Whether you're a seasoned author or just starting your writing journey, we're excited to celebrate your creativity.

📖 What can you share here?

• Your latest fantasy novel, short story, or even a captivating blog post.
• Updates about your writing progress, book launches, or upcoming events.
• Links to your blogs, websites, or social media where we can follow your work.

🌈 Guidelines to Keep in Mind:

• Be respectful and supportive of your fellow writers.
• Provide a brief description of your work for others to understand what it's about.
• Feel free to engage with other posters, offering encouragement or constructive feedback.

The thread will be refreshed monthly, so don't forget to mark your calendars!

Happy Writing! ✍️

Writing Group Hook-up Thread: Regular thread on the 15th of each month.

A writing group provides practical support and motivation for writers. It’s a place to get feedback to make your writing clearer and more compelling. You can learn from others’ experiences and see different ways of writing. It's also about accountability – meeting regularly helps you stick to your writing goals. Plus, it can be encouraging to see others who are committed to their writing. The camaraderie in a writing group can make the often-solitary task of writing feel less lonely and more like a shared journey.

If you would like to join a writing group or want more people for your current group, post below. We're here to facilitate both virtual writing groups (discord, email correspondence, etc) as well as in-person groups. Just post a description of your group or describe what you're looking for. People are welcome to post links to discords, websites, etc.

I have been thinking about how to write my book and the structure it will take... I have been thinking of writing the book like it's the personal journal of the main character or someone close to her... then I was thinking of trying to write it like royal court records telling the story...

Have you come across a perticular structure that sticks out?

Do you think there is a structure that is done too much?

What are your thoughts on book structure such as important points, things to avoid and etc...

Have read some book with really cool structures and what are they?

Would love to hear your thoughts...

FEM CHAR (Evelyn): Quiet and demure on the surface, but a fire burns within her, fueled by her struggle for freedom and her quest to form her own opinions about the corrupt monarchy that rules over Thaloria. Witty and clever, she challenges the status quo with her sharp tongue and braided hair, refusing to be silenced by the expectations of her royal upbringing.

MALE CHAR 1 (Prince Alexander): Handsome and charming, Prince Alexander is the epitome of royalty, with a blazer-clad exterior and inky fingers stained by the weight of his crown. Fearful of not being good enough for the throne, he seeks validation in the arms of Evelyn, proposing to her in a desperate attempt to secure his place in the kingdom's history. But beneath his princely facade lies a dark secret: he was responsible for the death of Evelyn's mother.

MALE CHAR 2 (Caelum): A thief and assassin by trade, Caelum is the embodiment of rebellion, a lone wolf with a tragic past and a heart of gold hidden beneath his leather-clad exterior. Protective and defensive, he leads the resistance against the monarchy, fighting against the oppression of the ruling elite. When he meets Evelyn in the streets, their banter and undeniable chemistry ignite a forbidden love that threatens to unravel the kingdom's very foundation.

As Evelyn grapples with the weight of her choices and her conflicting emotions for both Alexander and Caelum, she finds herself torn between duty and desire, loyalty and love. With the fate of Thaloria hanging in the balance, she must choose where her allegiances lie and whether she has the courage to stand up against the darkness that threatens to consume them all.

In the shadows of sovereignty, love will be tested, loyalties will be betrayed, and the true power of the heart will reign supreme.

I hear people say this a lot ig to make people feel less bad about writing in cliches but to me its only an incredibly demotivating sentiment. like the title says, why create if nothing is ever original, it's "all been done before". so then what's the point? apparently everything I've ever written has been written before so why write? basically I'm asking this because I want someone to convince me that this is the best thing to believe, because to me it isn't.

personally, i'm of the belief that every person is unique and has their own unique experiences, tastes, upbringing, reasons for believing what they do and how they came to those conclusions, etc. and by extension so is everything they create; a unique masterpiece that encapsulates their essence and brings it into a physical (or digital) medium that others can enjoy. I don't understand how the alternative advice or perspective is very helpful outside of very few cases, like of ppl being too overly afraid of cliches, which are kinda unavoidable when writing to begin with. So what say ye, internet folk?

to go into more detail on my perspective if you want to know, ik I can struggle to communicate my thoughts and I want to make sure I'm communicating my perspective clearly;

let's say you and I both have rock collections. we have many of the same rocks, citrine, bloodstone, amethyst, etc. so on a surface level, things might look the same, but if we inspect our rocks we notice there are differences even between the same type of rock. your bloodstone might have more red than mine, and vice versa. there's similar elements, but they are still not the same thing. That's what I mean that everything is unique, I mean even the world itself is. our rocks probably aren't even sourced from the same part of the world, y'know.

cliches aren't bad because everyone already has their own unique spin on it. unless you're word for word copying something, it's hard to say that something is the exact same.

I'm wondering if I need a more detailed prologue. I'm kind of a addicted to feedback so it's really hard for me to not at least put this out there and get an idea. I want to know if this needs to be more detailed, if I need to describe more of the kingdom before the escape, if I need to bring out more character goals, desires, past, or if this seems like a solid intro? I just want to show what is happening prior to the landing, prior to the start of the journey and catch attention so that people might actually be interested in where the story goes. I have a solid 100 pages after this written, but I've changed this so many times to avoid info dump and provide valuable info. The rest of it is on a separate document as I still need to change a lot.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17iV5rTwH8VbC6oF3C7aw8EXzDMYg6EuHT3oFr8fJJk8/edit?usp=sharing

​

In the gleaming halls of Elysium the gentle electric hum emanating from the walls is drowned out by the ethereal melody, a tune strummed by the strings of a harp, cascading gently through the air like shimmering waves. The music fills every empty space with its elegance, and yet faint rhythmic thuds in the distance begin to disrupt it, sending unwanted spikes of sound echoing through the music. As they grow closer, louder, the once peaceful melody becomes overshadowed by the frantic cadence of desperation and survival.

The figure of a man strode through the corridor with singular purpose and determination, his presence was a stark contrast to the serene beauty surrounding him. Enrobed in form fitting clothing that seemed more concerned with function over fashion, with a cloak was tossed over his left shoulder and a pack over his right. The man traveled light, the need to do so emphasized by his urgency as he dashed through halls, taking corners at such speed that sent him ricocheting off of adjoining passages. Not far behind him the clatter of metal and stamping of feet pursued with uncanny accuracy; no matter where he went in an effort to lose them, they were always hot on his trail. Though truly this was a labyrinth of twists and turns, he navigated it with practiced ease.

As the man rounded another corner, thoughts of how close he was to the terminal he sought raced through his mind only to be interrupted abruptly by the sight of half a dozen guards forming a barrier between his goal and where he stood. “There he is!” one guard shouted as the others turned to face the would-be escapee. They stood resolute, clad in armor that gleamed with brilliance befitting their race. Though their faces were hard and stern, there lingered a troubled sadness as though they regretted what they must do to preserve the peace of their home. Each guard was adorned in gilded armor, though armor was more of a classification than description, as it appeared to be thin as silk and glittered in the celestial light of the corridor. Tucked neatly against their backs were pair after pair of pristine feathered wings protected by the same material, with each feather covered by a matching scale of the golden material, so light that it fluttered at the slightest breeze.

“Master Lucian, halt! We can talk this through, just come with…” the Captain’s words faltered as Lucian darted to the smooth marble wall nearby. With a deft touch he activated a hidden console, its surface aglow with a gentle luminescence revealing a series of buttons and commands. “Stop him!” the Captain commanded as the guards launched forward with impossible speed, but Lucian was already inputting his command and a door slid open before him. Slipping into the room, Lucian struck the console on this side of the wall, causing the door to slam shut faster than it had opened and the mechanized clicking of locks engaged, an emergency feature designed to secure the occupant from external threats. Muffled shouting of the guards reverberated against the door as they worked to breach the lock and he knew this would only buy him precious seconds as he took off toward the nearest window.

The room he found himself in appeared to be a simple unoccupied administrative station. The same celestial light was absent here, replaced with the natural glow through the window across from him, a pane stretching the entire length of the room allowing for unimpeded access of the light outside. Lucian stepped forward, his gaze fixed on the large window. With a whispered incantation, he extended his hand towards the pane, his fingers danced through the air tracing the invisible lines of magic woven within the surface of the glass. As he channeled his energy, a faint shimmer rippled through the glass, and the intricate hidden patterns began to shift and change. With a flick of his wrist the window vanished as quickly as the spell completed, leaving an empty frame before him. A rush of warm air cascaded into the room, ruffling the feathers of his wings that he now extended behind him, pushing the cloak and pack to the center of his back. With a running start he made a mad dash toward the opening, leaping from the room and into the open air. He scanned his surroundings as he banked to the right, heading in the direction he was diverted from by the guards in the hall in an attempt to circumvent a cordon set by the them.

No sooner than Lucian began the final leg of his escape, did the guards manage to disable the locks on the door and it screeched open unwillingly. After a momentary pause to assess the situation, a current of warm air brushed their feathers and alerted them to the open window.

“Blazing hells, he took off through the window!” The Captain howled, “Why the fuck weren’t they disabled?!” He shouted to himself, though his subordinates could not help but feel somehow responsible. “One of you stays back and disables all viewing ports, the rest of you follow behind me. He can’t be allowed to escape or the Queen will have all of our heads!” The Captain took off after Lucian, throwing himself from the window as his wings perked up and caught the updraft, sailing him toward the diminishing figure of the escapee while one of the more lackluster of his men hung behind to disable the windows.

Lucian was fast; he knew it, the guards knew it, most everyone in the kingdom knew it. What he lacked in raw strength or magical ability, he made up for in agility and cunning. His smaller compact frame gave him a weight advantage few seasoned warriors could match, and if that weren’t enough, his wings were abnormally powerful, having granted him numerous accolades in flight and aerial combat. He was never the best student, but what he lacked in most areas, he made up for in the skies tenfold. Lucian tore through the air, the wind whipping around his body, filling him with the precious nostalgia he would need to press forward. He knew he couldn’t come back after this, at least until he returned with Mekhael; they would understand when he returned. Lucian pulled his wings tight and dove to the lower floors where the pods were located before extending his wings and gritting against the wind resistance that threatened to snap them in two. He landed atop the curved window looking into the control room and outstretched his hands to deactivate the window… Only to find that his magic was no longer effective.

Cursing to himself, Lucian attempted to deactivate the window again to no avail. “Damn you Ryder, you cut the connection didn’t you?” Lucian mutters over his breath before pausing a moment. He glanced over his shoulder, seeing the shadowy figures of his pursuers drawing nearer before turning his attention back to the glass.

"Well, there's more than one way to handle this," he muttered, his mind racing for a solution. With a swift motion, he summoned his sword into his hand, the blade shimmering with celestial energy. With a determined expression, Lucian swung the sword at the window, the glass shattering into a thousand glittering shards.

With the glass beneath his feet giving way, he fell downward before readjusting himself and launching back up into the air. He steadied his form and aligned with the window, flying forward through the torrent of broken glass, shards carving into his body in exchange for those few precious seconds of advantage. He winced as the fragments tore through his exposed flesh, thankful for what he had on absorbing anything that would harm his vitals. He slid into the room, his rugged boots absorbing plenty of flak but protecting his feet all the while. Scrambling, Lucian made his way to the pod terminals and began entering in the codes he had carefully acquired. The machines hidden behind the flawless walls, for every wall in this blasted kingdom was flawless, and he could hear the pod sliding into place, initiating itself for the occupancy of a desperate passenger. He hurried to the entrance, waiting in terror for his moment to escape, and as he pondered how far behind the guards could possibly be. Moments later he saw their shadows dart past and swing around to enter the pod room. Banging on the door of the pod, Lucian kept his eye on the angels who soared toward the window, landing gracefully in quick succession and drawing their blades to confront him.

“It’s over, Lucian” the Captain declared, stepping forward. “Be blessed you didn’t make it any further, though I don’t envy what the queen will do when we bring you before her” the words on the Captain’s lips were cruel, as though he savored this moment of capture, as though this was an achievement for him to log in his scrapbook. “Come with us and at least show that you were repentant in the end, we can spin this into a stupid act of rebellion, don’t make this harder than it is” The Captain advanced forward cautiously, aware that Lucian too had his sword drawn, and though the young angel did not match the prowess of the seasoned guard, he did not want to bring him back in pieces and diminish his victory.

Lucian’s eyes darted to the control panel and a spark of hope entered his heart before turning to the Captain. “Sir, please… You’re just doing your job, but…” A tear began to form in his eye, though he was playing a part, he truly felt sorrow over the topic, “I need to bring my brother back, you of all people should understand!” Lucian pleaded while allowing his sword to de-materialize, leaving him defenseless.

The Captain hesitated, a flood of memories dancing through his mind before brushing them away to deal with the here, the now. “Boy, your brother made his choice, do not follow in his footsteps. There’s nothing down there but death and despair. If I could bring back Mikhael, I would be there right with you, but even a man like him could not survive this long in the wastes. For your brother I will do what I can to lessen your sentence.” This was all Ryder could offer, for though he was eager to advance the ranks, the broken piece of him that left with Mikhael haunted him each night. “You’re young, with some hard work and loyalty you will bounce back from…” Again the Captain was interrupted as the pod door sprung open.

“I’ll bring him back Ryder, mark my words” Lucian declared before diving into the escape pod and slamming the door shut. The guards swarmed the door, but it was designed for immense physical resistance, even magical damage would not hinder this craft until it arrived at its destination. Lucian attempted to strap in, but one of the belts was jammed. He made eye contact with Ryder who shared a moment of horror as they both understood that his odds of survival equaled his odds of demise. The pod sputtered and bellowed before launching him down toward the planet below.

Hi y'all. So this is part one of a short horror fantasy story that I've been working on. The story follows two nameless characters and takes place in the small fictitious secluded mountain village of Sarheli, located in the northern peaks of Jammu & Kashmir, India.

It follows our main character, who lives a quiet life in Sarheli with her mother who makes kaladi (a kind of cheese regional to these particular parts of northern India) After a family moves into an old abandoned cottage, thats believed to be haunted, our main character finds herself in love and infatuated with the family's daughter. They start spending more time together and become close friends until. I mean, I can't really spoil the story but its soon after our main character kisses the family's daughter, that the horror elements of the story begin to take root, and cause the downfall of Sarheli.

Here's the link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r6akjmY9xqb8gu2oPIbUVAg04Jb_sCrAcAKxqR6CqZc/edit?usp=sharing

I would love to hear what you have to say about this first peek into the short story and ways that I could possibly improve. Thanks<3

So, I have written a few books and planned out even more series with most of them being trilogies. One thing I have noticed is that by the third book most of them turn into this massive war between different factions (the main characters against the villains) with usually the fate of the world on the line.

I was wondering, is that a bad thing or should I try to deviate from this? And is it bad that all of my books tend to end this way?

So this popped into my head and wanted to see people’s thoughts/ if it’s been done.

Breaking news: “Scientists have just released concrete evidence that Cthulhu and other Eldritch monstrosities do in fact exist. Stay tuned to this station to keep up to date as details develop”

…

Breaking Breaking news: “we have just received confirmed reports that Tesla CEO and known billionaire Elon Musk, has begun a ritual to summon and bind “The Great Dreamer” and use its power to increase his company’s stock prices. Stay tuned as this story develops”

(Using Lord of the Ring names and concepts to make things easier)

I have about 150k words of “character moments” with an estimated 100k words of “connective plot narrative” missing. My main interest is in these character moments and the (metaphoric) changing relationship dynamic between Frodo and Sam pre-Gollum that gets exacerbated once Gollum enters the picture—and the Frodo and Gollum dynamics once Sam heads back to the Shire.

Since these events don’t happen in a vacuum, I’m having trouble giving context and fleshing out the “plot stuff”.

I wrote one partial scene last year, but I’ve had it in my head for several years. Gollum was abused as a young child, but sees…offering himself…as a viable option if it gets him what he wants. Early in the book when he ran away from home and was sleeping in the park, he…offered himself…to a stranger so he’d have a place to stay for the night.

300 pages later he’s with Frodo and Sam and appreciates how kind Frodo has been to him during the journey and wants to help the group on their way to Mordor. For some reason they need to get something from someone but can’t for some reason. I have absolutely no idea about this stuff. All I know is that, since they can’t get whatever it is they need, Gollum was initially going to again offer himself, wanting to help out and useful, but I changed it to some blackmail/threat reason that happens off page but will be revealed a hundred page later. Sam (POV) and Frodo speculate that Frodo offered himself to get it, which affects the group dynamics. Once Gollum cryptically says he has an idea, he goes to the place alone and returns 30 minutes later with whatever it is they need without explanation.

My purpose/interest in having this specific character moment is to show Gollum being willing to sacrifice himself for others, especially Frodo, and how the early abuse has affected him into thinking it’s “no big deal” but later on the effects of the abuse will really start affecting him. The McGuffin is completely irrelevant to me as I want to show how he’s changed since joining the group and how that is affecting, negatively or positively, both him and Frodo and Sam.

This is just one of 100k words of examples where I have a basic idea of what the characters do and how it plays into their interpersonal relationships, but none of the “plot” stuff. The only side-plot stuff I have (largely) done is an undead monk showing up randomly and Frodo and Gollum (Sam has left by this point) looking for an old temple where Frodo begins to learn about the power of the ring from said undead monk.

Or to use the Dark Knight as an example, I have Joker’s introduction/pencil-trick scene, Batman flying into a building to kidnap someone, and the Batman/Joker interrogation scene, but none of the plot stuff, especially the “scheming” stuff like Batman and Alfred figuring out how to do the Hong Kong stuff and Fox having a fake meeting with Lau to plant the phone for the kidnapping scene or the Batman-reveal-himself-threat-and-Harvey-turns-himself-in stuff. I have these moments, but not the larger context around those moments or the connective tissue.

This has been on the back burner for years since I’ve been completely stuck, but I would like to be able to work on the story some more despite knowing it’ll never be finished. I just did the one partial scene last year, so maybe this year I could have an entire chapter done this year?

So I’m trying to write a story about a young man who gets trapped in a fantasy VR game after an in-game quest goes badly. It’s basically Sword Art Online meets Ready Player One without either’s problematic elements for those who know. Now loneliness and isolation are themes I want to explore with a story like this and while I’m having trouble in general trying to actually write this I have two directions in mind to take this that will inform why the MC is stuck in the game and inform the actions he needs to make on his quest to escape. Plus look into his loneliness and self isolation to see what he might need to do to triumph over it.

After/while the in-game quest goes badly in thinking of having the character essentially “die”. But after i’m debating on whether to have him respawn with his teammates he made but realizes he’s the only one who can’t leave the game. Nobody takes him seriously, leaves him stuck and alone, then either the villain or some other force in the system gives him the goal of escaping by solving an in-game mystery or riddle and then has to go figure it out all by himself.

Or I have the MC’s party actually die in the game but he’s magically spared by some other force that whisks him away from his fate and then finds out he can’t leave the game and then has to figure out the mystery of the game while feeling bad about losing the people he just met along the way. Either direction will have him finding more people like him that he will ally with and make connections with. All while overcoming his personal fears about people and relationships.

My question is which direction for the inciting incident sounds better for a story about overcoming loneliness in an action adventure setting? The first option was what I was going for first but then I thought of the second option soon after as a motivation for the antagonist to pay attention to the MC as the “one who got away” while the first it would be implied that the antagonist chose them for a “reason” that i will have to come up with later.

Hihi! As this is only the first part of the story make sure to keep in mind more installations are coming but this is what I think a good stopping point for the first part. Any feedback will be appreciated and I just hope you enjoy the story since this is my first attempt at a longer format!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/177tTEBS25PN6wLD5cNkQy3HH4Ot7EB5QQeCahQIdCnc/edit?usp=sharing

​

Prologue-300 words

The Drums of Delivery was the first memory of the only son of the Aragoi family. Orcs had a particular tradition for these births, especially ones like Dalid’s. Being born on a "Day of the Owls''; this was when a pool of water in the Elders' chalice reflected the eyes of the mother perfectly but with brown eyes instead of their natural sanguine hew. They believed this to be a sign of prosperity in their lineage, suspecting an evolution of their race to come from this child. Dalid's birth was the only celebration of his lifetime in the tribe, as he was exiled in the tenth year of his stay. This was due to his imperfection with either shield or blade, utterly failing his mother and father. They would ultimately decide to stay with the tribe, leaving their son in a lush forest while he slept.

All alone, Dalid needed to find some semblance of humanity so he wouldn't be alone forever. Luckily for him, this forest was neighbored by a sizable village known as Martinesse. The people at first were very weary of the Orc’s arrival but did not outright brand him an enemy due to the diverse culture and races populating the area, although he most definitely felt like an outcast due to his familial ties being severed at such a young age. Combined with the fact that he was the only orc in the Village, he had next to no one to relate to or look up to.

He'd have to work odd jobs to earn his keep with low-level tasks such as hauling or sanitizing. It was helpful that orcs are naturally brawny as these services required more of a brute to handle. What was shocking to the town was his natural wit.

I have everything figured out from my characters to the world. I just don’t know what to do for the plot. That’s always been my problem with actually being able to finish any of my WIP. I feel like every idea is overdone or just doesn’t fit. Any tips?

Hi guys. I'm currently writing a fantasy/sci-fi story of a desolated futuristic world hidden with various unique artifacts that all come with interesting effects/consequences for their uses. Main idea of the story is the MC proposes to his girlfriend who had just recently became a Champion (Powerful individuals equipped with deadly artifacts). Despite her saying yes, she disappears to find Paradise (A mythical mysterious world rumored to be a place of heaven for those who find it). The whole story is mostly him searching for her/Paradise. I have a group of characters that end up accompanying him on the way and each have their particular quirks/artifacts that make them overall useful for the group.

One particular character I have however really only has one useful trait for the group. He has an artifact that allows him to Astral project himself into this "dream like state" and plays a big role against a small antagonist they encounter, but that's all he really has. Everybody else (Main character uses a special artifact well fitted for combat, a girl obsessed with collecting various artifacts, another guy who tames particular astral beasts, and another girl similar to the MC that uses a particular special artifact fitted for combat) has something they mainly contribute to but he doesn't quite have enough.

He's very timid and often times the one who's usually hidden back behind the others. Has issues with his confidence but manages to overcome some situations that aren't in his favoring. Just wondering what else could I do with him? His astral projection plays a key role in major story points and I'd most definitely like to involve him in other roles as well. Any ideas to add for his character? Maybe even adding in other useful artifacts that otherwise don't make him completely useless?

I've a scene where my villain convinces the king's man into lending him money for his cause, by way of having him think things are worse than they are, via allies at the table discussing the current political landscape.

The thing is, I don't want readers to outright know he has ulterior motives until the follow up scene, where it's revealed he has a hand in the very concerns being expressed.

How can I go about this, initially, to maintain the surprise of the subsequent scene? So far, I've mentioned his suppressing a smirk, when he sees the growing discomfort of the king's man, as the discussion continues, but I'm not sure what else I can do without outright giving it away. Thoughts?

I like this sub for so many reasons, but sometimes I feel like I only hear from people just starting off on their writing journey. It would be amazing to hear from all the folks who have been in this fantasy writing game a bit longer. Especially since fantasy lends itself to long series and hefty books, I think this genre takes a lot more time than most.

If you feel like sharing, could you share how long you've been writing, some details about your journey, and what writing advice you would give to your younger self?

I've been writing for 15+ years and have written 5ish novels. After a brief attempt at self-publishing I reverted back to trying to get traditionally published. I still haven't made it, but I do have an agent and I think my current book could go all the way. If I could give any advice to my younger self, it would be not to pin all my hopes and dreams to my first novel. I also would tell myself to keep reading fantasy, because I took a several year break when I only read sci fi and I still feel like I missed out on a lot.

I hope this is okay to post and I look forward to any responses!

Had an idea this morning for a fantasy plot: A villain in service of the Dark Lord has a change of heart after their loved one is needlessly sacrificed in battle.

Has this been done to death in fantasy fiction (or film)? Or would this plot hook draw in readers?

Hello, as the title states this is my first time posting here on reddit so I hope I formatted this post correctly. I created a first draft about an animal that inhabits the jungles of my fantasy world below to see how i can improve the idea. Thank you in advance for any advice you guys can give me.

"The Mist Leopard-Cat is an elusive big cat species that is native to the lush, misty tropical jungles of Draria that straddle equatorial regions of the planet. The Leopard-Cat gets its namesake from its cat-like features, build, and behavior that it shares with its domesticated cousins along with its spotted fur pattern from its larger feline cousins the Spotted Leopards. Owing to its preferred habitat, this feline species is reclusive and does not interact with the outside world unless disturbed or threatened by an outside foe. The Leopard-Cats make their homes in jungles that sit upon towering stone outcrops to safeguard their dens from harm. The Leopard-Cats organize themselves into social and familial close-knit groups called clans with each led by an alpha male and alpha female who are the strongest and most dominate of the clan. These two individuals usually become mates to solidify their control over the clan and prevent potential rivals from challenging for the leadership of the clan. There are usually four or five other distinct family units that exist within the clan, most being related to past alphas or other non-related lineages. Leopard-Cats usually share the responsibilities of hunting, defending, and offspring rearing with females going into heat at twice a year, once early spring and again in mid-autumn. Each litter usually has between two or three kittens that stay with their parents for about a year or so until they leave the den to start their own families or leave the clan. The Leopard-Cats are seen by many native peoples around the world as mystical beings that function as the guardians of the natural order and as hosts for the spirits that reside in the jungle. Due to this sighting of a Leopard-Cat are considered an auspicious omen and sign of good fortune and prosperity for the native tribes. The druids and shamans use these felines to weave stories and legends to teach the younger generations of the responsibility to safeguard the jungles and cautioning against causing harm to it."

Hello everyone. This is my first time uploading any of my work for critique. For this short story i have quite some hopes, hence why, any feedback regardless of your experience and expertise would be highly appreciated. Lastly, although this post is meant for critique, i still wish for you to enjoy the work that i have been cooking. Thank you all.

Here is a Google Doc link (commenter mode has been turned on)-

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sRZoNyKJsyxMHD-NLJtY3HfKypmCouJFOonbS0lZVgo/edit?usp=sharing

One more thing, i have a few questions that i wish you could specifically answer, as these are my most prominent doubts-

First, how did you find the pacing in the first few scenes to be?

Second, were you able to connect with the ending, or did it feel disconnected and dull?

Lastly, has there been anything in the prose or grammar that has stood out as being out of place?

***

***

Here is the beginning extract [500 word]-

It all went to shit. And now she was wading through some mud, ‘which looked like shit, to get to food. Food!’ When had she worried about something that simple? Food was always just there. But now… now it wasn’t, just like how her family, her mom and dad weren’t here. The memories of them made her furious. Furious at the Heroes.

“Oh, rise against the evils! Fight for your future, for your children and mothers!” Caitlyn yelled as she looked at the bellows of smoke visible in the sky. Scars of the recent civil war were prominent even days after the sorcerous bombings the city had gone through. “Not quite the promised victory, eh?” Her hatred burned as she remembered the passion her father had displayed at the dinner table when talking about their saviour.

‘And how long ago was that? Months? Weeks? Or maybe just a few days…’

Caitlyn distinctly remembered their slogan. “Rebel and Revolutionise…” she muttered under her breath. “A bunch of empty promises that only a fool would have believed.”

Continuing while cursing, she crouched down to pass under the wreckage of a collapsed building, forcing herself through a small gap that only a petite body such as hers would fit through. 

Crawling out of the collapsed structure, what came into Caitlyn’s view was a long garden circling a house. Evidenced by the holes and punctures, the structure in the middle wasn’t in the best shape. Regardless, Caitlyn’s sour mood couldn’t help but brighten, noticing how it shared no walls with other properties, alluding to its high value. Besides, such damage was quite the norm after the uprising. Caitlyn would have been more worried if the building had a more maintained appearance.

Reminding herself of the dwindling sun, Caitlyn hastened her approach and entered the house. She rushed through the outer rooms of the hall, only casting a curious glance at the surroundings. Caitlyn, didn’t care about the fancy vases and the dead flowers. Nothing but food.

Soon, she found a pair of double doors. Sure that this must be where the food was kept, she pushed open the doors with a booming smile of anticipation, only to have it crumbled, as the place was completely and utterly… looted.

***

Caitlyn had been crying. She tried biting her lips to stop, then covered her mouth. Finally, she gave up. 

As she sprawled on the marble floor of the pantry, she understood that she was tired. She had no anger, no remorse, and no longing left. At this moment, she was just… done. Nothing that she wished for ever happened. And it was infuriating. The feeling of being not having even the basic things was shattering her worldview.

And as Caitlyn laid there and cried, her stomach hurt from the slight hunger that never left. Despite all of that Caitlyn couldn’t bring herself to eat the mouldy bread in her hand. 

In the empty pantry, the only thing remaining was this large piece of mouldy bread. ‘A jest. A laugh in the face for whoever comes second.’ She thought.

***